Sadie's Mountain Read Online Free Page A

my own. Please, dear God. Just take me now. Forgive me of my sins . If I wasn’t in this body anymore he couldn’t hurt me. I wished I was dead. But I couldn’t scream so he’d make it that way.
    Thankfully, numbness took over then. I became just a husk as if a bucket of Novocain was poured over me. He was just mounting this shell of my body. It wasn’t me anymore. I was thankful for my answered prayer.
    Vaguely, I remember him slamming into me one more time, stilling, tensing, and then quivering as he pulled my hair back tilting my chin to the ceiling. His whole body went lax and he leaned his full weight on my back— heavy, like a burden that never goes away.
    He was still inside me. I could feel it throbbing and twitching like a rattlesnake’s tail between my stretched thighs. His breath was sporadic—foul on my cheek. My neck was warm with blood. The front of my chest felt cold as he stepped out letting my legs go. I winced as we separated, tucking my behind under me like a whipped dog.
    I moved quickly over to the wall and leaned my left side against the shed wishing I’d disappear. I was watching him out of one eye as he touched his now limp weapon as if he was proud of what it had done for him. He shoved it into his underwear, pulled his pants up and zipped the crotch closed.
    He squatted down to fetch my ripped panties, put them up to his nose and sniffed them like a dog imprinting a scent before he put them in his pocket.
    As soon as he straightened up, he pushed me, pressing my face hard against the wall and put his mouth to my ear. “If you tell anybody, I’ll cut yer stupid head off and bury it in my god-damned yard. That’d be better than seeing you with him anyways.”
    I just closed my eyes. Bide my time.
    “Say it!”
    “I won’t tell.” My voice sounded fast and shaky like a salt and pepper shaker in his hand. He laughed and if I could have been anymore shocked —I was. I waited as he breathed me in.
    “I’m the first. Ain’t I?”
    I couldn’t speak.
    “Ain’t I?” he pressed.
    I nodded my head yes.
    “And the last,” he stated.
    I just stood there, shivering.
    Please, just go away.
    What he’d done to me combined with his words attached themselves inside my brain like a virus that impregnates its host with its diseased atoms and molecules. Deep in there where nothing could remove it and it has room to grow and multiply.
    He leaned into my side with his now tamed hips and moved my hair away from my face. “I didn’t wanna hurt you. It’s always a little rough the first time, baby. I’ll be gentler next time.” Bile rose in my throat so I held my breath.
    “You ‘member this. I ain’t sharin’you with him. This is mine now,” he said, his face a shadow or a demon as he cupped me between my thighs and flicked at me with his finger, growled, and then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked.
    “You taste like me,” he said. I stood there silently, hating him with the tiny pieces left in me that weren’t broken.
    I felt his fingers move up to my mouth as he rubbed something wet all over my face. I heard his words. They just didn’t make sense to me. It rattled around in my brain not making contact with reason. He scowled in the shadows of the moon, and shook me with both arms. “Say it. Whose is this?” His voice sounded like a hail storm on a tin roof.
    “Yours,” I said, defeated.
    “You better not do nothin’ like that with my brother agin. I swear to god. I’ll kill him, too.”
    “I won’t. I promise.” I sounded like a robot.
    He smacked me hard on my behind and grabbed it. “Good girl,” he said, while he squeezed.
     I can still hear those words sometimes when I close my eyes at night. Sometimes I hear it when I’m grown up and some poor soul tries to make love to me. “Good girl.”
    Then he kissed me on my neck just under my ear—softly this time, as if he was my lover and not my rapist.
    “I love you, always have,” he whispered into my ear. It