Royal Wedding Read Online Free Page B

Boris is singing to a girl who is dying in a hospital bed, and Boris is telling her (lyrically) that he’ll give her a million stars (plus his love) if she’ll just find the strength within herself to not die, and love him forever.
    Of course the girl is so moved by this hot rocker dude’s amazing song that she doesn’t die. Because it is a medical fact that people with fatal diseases only need a hot rocker dude to sit on the edge of their hospital bed and sing them a rock ballad in order to give them the strength to go on living.
    People actually believe this stuff! At least the Borettes do.
    Both the song and the video have made me hate Boris Pelkowski so much more than I already did (for breaking Tina’s heart) that now whenever I hear or see either of them, I begin grinding my teeth. I’ve even started doing it in my sleep, and have to wear a night guard, which is so not sexy when Michael stays over.
    Although he says he’d rather have me wear a big rubber mouth guard in bed with him than for me to have tiny little nubs for teeth someday.
    â€¢Â Â Â  Note to self: Which, if you ask me, is actually way more romantic than some rocker dude singing to a girl on her deathbed. But no one asked me.
    â€œSo what did you say when Boris told you he wants to get back together?” I asked Tina cautiously.
    â€œI said I’d have to think about it. Just because he has over five million Borettes following him on Twitter doesn’t mean I’m ready to follow him.”
    Thank God, I thought.
    But aloud I only said, “That was very wise.”
    â€œAnd maybe it’s better we break up now anyway to spare ourselves future heartbreak. What’s going to happen when I graduate and have to move away from New York to do my residency. Or when I’m with Doctors Without Borders. I’m not going to be able to follow him around on tour like some little Borette. I have my own career to think about.”
    â€œTotally,” I said, thrilled.
    â€œSo I told him that right now I really need to concentrate on acing my exams, but that maybe we could talk later.”
    â€œWell, I think you did the right thing.” This was lie number two. I do think Tina should concentrate on her exams, but I’m not so sure she should talk to Boris later.
    â€œThanks, Mia,” she said. “It’s just so hard, you know, because every time I go online or turn on the TV, there he is, being interviewed about this forty-city tour, looking all buff from working with that new trainer of his.”
    â€œI know.” Lie number three. Boris doesn’t look that good, but then, he’s never exactly been my type. “Honestly, Tina, I have no idea what I’d do if I were in your shoes.”
    Lie number four. I think about what I’d do if I were in Tina’s shoes all the time, which is ridiculous, since Michael’s the best boyfriend ever (or the best boyfriend he can be, considering what he has to put up with, dating a royal).
    But Tina thought Boris was the best boyfriend ever until number one Boris Fan, Brooklyn Borette Blogger, came along.
    What if that shadow I keep seeing in Michael’s eyes isn’t a kidney stone he’s too manly to mention, but guilt because he’s seeing some little “Michael-ette” behind my back? I don’t know if I’d be able to handle it with as much class as Tina has with Boris, keeping her mouth shut about it (except to me, of course). I think I might go full-on Mrs. ex–Tiger Woods Elin Nordegren on him (even though violence is never the answer and Michael doesn’t play golf or even own an SUV like Tiger Woods).
    The problem, of course, is that I come from a long line of warrior princesses. Sometimes when I can’t sleep—like now—I mentally rehearse how I’d get back at Michael if I found out he’d cheated on me, even though I’m self-actualized enough to know he’d never do