Rolling in the Deep Read Online Free Page B

shoulders—like an investment banker who surfs on the weekends. And his arrogance has a certain pull; I can attest to that. But why does she put up with his cruelty? Why did I?
    Brett stands in the driveway with his arms folded, watching us. Then he reaches for Emma and throws a possessive arm around her.
    “Yeah, bye, Holly.” He thrusts his chin toward my car. “Better hit the road before it gets dark.”
    Maybe he means that as concern for me, I don’t know. Maybe I’m the one being touchy and defensive. Maybe Emma has made him a better man. Anything is possible. She’s probably more patient than I was. More compassionate.
    If someone like her could choose Brett and be happy with him, maybe he wasn’t the problem at all.
    Maybe the problem is me.
    I was a good student back in the day—straight A’s. If I’d gone to a school like Drew’s I might have eventually managed to become someone like Emma. Sometimes I think maybe I just didn’t try hard enough. I know that’s what Brett would say.
    My plan was to go to community college first, and then transfer the credits to a higher-ranking school where I could earn a decent degree. It was a sensible strategy, and I made it through almost two years of part-time classes while waitressing at the coffee shop. But then Mom had a heart attack, and everything went completely on hold.
    She was only fifty years old. She woke up one morning, put on her uniform, and drove off to clean bathrooms at the dorms at Vassar. I was in class at Dutchess when I got the call.
    She’d been out on a cigarette break. They found her behind Jewett House, unconscious. She died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.
    I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
    A few months later, I met Brett. I’d had boyfriends before, but not many, and Brett made me feel special. Cherished. He was like some kind of Hollywood version of a boyfriend, bringing me flowers, cooking me dinner, taking me to the city for shows. And when he became gradually less charming, I didn’t notice at first. When he started criticizing me, and disparaging my friends, I blamed myself. Maybe I did need to pay more attention to my appearance. Maybe my friends were a little wild and irresponsible.
    I did my best to change, to try to please him, but every day it seemed his expectations became higher, his condemnations harsher. Then Drew was born, and I was stuck. As bad as it was, I didn’t want my child to be the product of divorce. I held on to the fantasy that I could make it work.
    But I couldn’t—not when we were married, and not now. When Emma is here, sure, he holds his tongue for the most part. But as soon as she leaves the room it’s no-holds-barred.
What kind of loser works at Cogmans,
for example. What kind of mother would let her child see her like that?
    For some reason I think of Ray as I pull my car out of the drive and Brett’s house recedes in the rearview. He was flirting with me at work today. Even I am not blind enough to miss that. It felt good, I can’t lie. Like I was a person worth noticing.
    I see Brett, though, and it all disappears. I’m somebody’s ex-wife, and a shitty one at that. I’m a woman who can’t provide for her son.
    I wish I could be normal and, I don’t know, go on a date or something with a guy like Ray. No, not a guy
like
Ray. Let’s face it.
Ray.
    It’s not going to happen, though. Drew has enough drama in his life without my adding boyfriends and dating to the mix. Not to mention that Ray would probably run away screaming if he knew I was a single mom.
    Nothing spells boner crash like a woman with a kid.
    In other words, maybe Brett is right. At this point, I
have
stopped trying. All things considered, it’s just easier that way.

Chapter 4
Ray
    It doesn’t take me long to find Holly. She’s back in the stockroom piling rolls of toilet paper onto a dolly. I clear my throat and she straightens, a lock of reddish hair trailing across her face. I really want to be that guy