Redemption (The Volkov Mafia Series Book 4) Read Online Free Page B

my misery, the one man I actually like thinks I’m a whore, an easy lay that he can use just like all the others have.
    I didn’t want to sleep with Alek tonight. I just wanted to give him a kiss, have him take me out on a real date, but things got pretty hot very quick. I don’t regret what we did because it brought my body to life, and I will treasure that memory forever. It’s the thought of his judgement that has me running scared, fleeing for the hills so that I can hide forever. I’m not weak, I hardly ever cry. Even after everything Ivan put me through, I didn’t cry. Not once. He didn’t deserve my tears. They are only meant for people I care about.
    But I suppose that means in some deep and twisted part of my soul, I care for Alek. Oh hell, who am I kidding? I know I do. And that’s what scares me, to not have it returned, to put yourself out there, to fight for what you want only to be shot down at the last fence because of judgement. It’s a cruel world we now live in. One where, as time goes on, more and more people will forget what it takes to be decent.
    The gentle knocking on my door is persistent. If I just ignore it, whoever is there will go away, surely. But then I think to myself, what if there is something wrong with Anya and I need to get to her? I throw the cover off me to go and check when I hear the knock again. This time it’s a little louder and harsher. That is the knock of someone growing impatient.
    I unlock the door and slowly pull it open, peeking outside to see who awaits me. Who I see on the other side is a surprise.
    “What are you doing here, Alek? Are you here to make me feel worse than I already do?” I ask him. I don’t know where my bravado is coming from, but I’m not in the mood to hear this right now. My emotions are everywhere; the feeling of satisfaction, also the feeling of regret and shame. I can’t help feeling this way about him, but I do. I don’t want him to tell me it was a mistake, or that he regrets what we did. I don’t think the little bit of happiness I feel right now could take the rejection from him.
    “Why did you run from me?”
    I look to him with a stunned expression and my jaw must be on the floor. Did he really just ask me that? I open the door wide so that he can enter my room. Right now I’m not sure if I’m doing it out of politeness because I don’t want everyone hearing this, or if I want him in my room for other reasons. Only time will tell, but I’m hoping for the latter.
    “I ran because I didn’t want you to be the first to tell me this was a mistake, or that it was no good, that you regret what we did together.” I can’t seem to stop the words from pouring out of my mouth. What’s wrong with me? I’m like a teenager with a fucking crush, it’s pathetic. I’m pathetic.
    “You’re so wrong, Emma. You haven’t got a fucking clue, have you? You think you know what I’m feeling, you don’t even know me. So how can you judge? Isn’t that what you were scared I would do to you, yet you went and made that judgment yourself. You took the coward’s way out and fucking ran from me.”
    His words hit me straight in the gut. His face is tightly set, his pain and anguish palpable. His eyes are hard and cold, like his world has been ripped away from him.
    Am I really that vain and narrow-minded that I run before I can walk? That I take a stereotype and apply it to everyone I meet? At some point in life we have to face the music and take responsibility for our actions.
    “I’m sorry,” I whisper, my voice small and weak. “I was scared that you would judge me because of what happened and how I came to be here. I thought you would look at me like some cheap, dirty whore, and that your view on me would change.” What else can it be? I judged him, and now I’m the one who is ashamed of myself.
    “If you had stayed all you would have seen was admiration for what you survived. But most of all you would have known I wanted you