dead.
     I know how that sounds. The dead should do endings. Surely thatâs their squat. In the space after the story, theyâre kings and queens, ruling with bony hands, pulling epilogues, last acts, climaxes, pulling finality from declining action like spinsters at black wheels.
     I wouldnât know. Iâve always been aces at endings. At the Fin Iâm like a ball player, balanced hips over knees, brandishing my bat, pointing to the outfield, pointing like Iâve been doing from the first word spoken, the first frame shot, at the revelation I intended to hit all along. Lean into the last scene; you can hear the whiff and the crack of my swing. If anything, Iâve always been too eager to get to the ending. Iâll throw the haunted, wild-eyed gamine from her tower too soon, slaughter a soliloquizing retinue complete with bicyclists and bears five minutes in. Endings are lush and lascivious, Vince; they call to me. All spread out on satin inevitabilities, waiting, beckoning, promising impossibly, obscenely elegant solutionsâif youâve been a good lad and dressed the house just so, for its comfort, for its arousal . All the rest of the nonsense a story requires is just a long seduction of the ending. You throw out murders and reversals and heroes and detectives and spies, juggle love affairs and near escapes and standoffs with marvellous guns, kidnappings and sorcery and comic relief and gravediggers and princesses and albino dragons, and itâs all just to lure an ending into your bed. The right ending canât resist a spread like that. She sidles up like sheâs lived there all along, sleepy-eyed, hair a fright, asking the antihero for coffee and be quick about it, wouldnât you? Thereâs a love.
     But Iâm rubbish at beginnings. Listen to that mess. My metaphors all rumpled about my ankles. So I talk to the dead. Theyâre the only ones who can see the whole story. All theyâve got is story. Look, say the ghosts, she was doomed all along because of how it began. You watched her to death. She started disappearing as soon as she was born. Just to get away from you. No one could have gotten out of this thing alive. Not with Acts I-V stacked against them like that. If Hamlet couldnât swing it, what hope did she ever have?
     Anyway, nobody bothers with real beginnings anymore. We stopped making up stories about the creation of the world ages ago. But the deadest of the deadâthe ancient, toga-tugging, sheep-fucking, olive-gobbling, laurel-spangled deadâ they rattled on about nothing else. Gardens and clay and the Sky slinging back a nebula or two for courage then slicking back his hair to make nice with the Earth. They had it right. Itâs downright dishonest to begin with anything but the Creation of the Known Universe, and a tale that ends before the destruction of all and sundry is a damnable lie. By fire? Well, thatâs too obvious. And floods always look amateurish. Maybe it just winks out. Cut. Print.
     Point is, the Greeks had their heads on straight: If youâre going to bother beginning at all, you have to throw up a believable theory of origin or itâs got no anchor. No root . Why four seasons? Why seasons at all? Why just the one moon? Why green trees and red roses and not the other way round? Why death and time and is there such a thing as fate, and what, percentage-wise, is the efficacy of human sacrifice? You have to answer those questions before anyone comes on stage, you know. In even the littlest story about a ⦠letâs say a housewife in an aqua-blue print dress and matching apron making a roast, only sheâs planning to kill herself later, obviously, or maybe her husbandâotherwise why should we care one soggy whit about the vagaries of beef at temperature? At any rate, someoneâs got to die. Thatâs why