live happily ever after. Maybe once in a while she’ll think of me and wonder how I am, but that’s all I’ll be to her...a memory from long ago.
Chapter Five
Janny
I can’t believe he’s saying this to me. How can he do this to me after all that we were to each other? Doesn’t he know how much he’s hurting me?
My heart is breaking more and more with every single word he says. Stop, I want to cry out. Please don’t do this to me – don’t do this to us – but there is no us anymore. We used to be. We’re now relegated to past tense and the pain this causes me is crippling. I don’t want to cry in front of him. I don’t want him to see how much his words affect me, but the tears roll down my cheeks. No matter how much I tell myself not to cry, I can’t stop them. I close my eyes so I won’t have to look at him. I don’t want to be reminded of all that we’ve lost. I need to get out of here. I can’t stay in this room with him a moment longer or I’m going to really lose it. I open my eyes, wipe the tears beneath them and rub the moisture on my shorts. This is the last time Kyle McKenzie will see me cry over him.
“You know, when we first met I had reservations about going out with you. I’m glad I didn’t listen to my instincts and I gave us a chance.” I reach down and pick my backpack off the floor, place one of the straps on my shoulder and look back up at him. “No matter what happens from this point on, I’ll always have those memories of how happy we were.” Watching him stare at me intently, like he’s memorizing my face, I know this is goodbye. “Good luck with your recovery, Kyle. I know you’re going to be fine.”
I can’t believe this is happening .
I count the steps to the doorway. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. When I get there, I hesitate. I don’t want to look back, but I’m not strong enough to keep going. I take a deep breath and force myself to turn around for one final glimpse of him. Golden brown meets blue and I let him see the devastation I’m feeling. I convey with my eyes how much I love him and silently beg him to remember me. Knowing this is it, this is the end of what we were – of all that we’ll ever be – almost has me buckling over in pain. I face forward and walk away with my head held high and keep going until I’m inside the elevator. Once those double doors close, any semblance of composure I had, crumbles. I start to sob, my head drops and I cover my face with my hands. I want to hate him for what he’s doing, but I can’t. I love him and the worst part is, I know I’m always going to.
I spend the next two days holed up in our condo, shutting out the rest of the world as I contemplate my future and wallow in my misery. The first day I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep; all I could do was cry and think of everything we’ve lost. The next day I buried my sorrows by ingesting insane amounts of junk food. Vanilla ice cream is now my drug of choice and no matter how much I eat; I can’t seem to get enough of it. I’m pathetic. Even though I know I should, I’ll never be able to stop loving Kyle, fuck it all.
I can’t stay here, for obvious reasons, and I don’t want to move back in with Elle. Josh has an empty room at his apartment, but it might be weird to live with my ex-boyfriend. Kyle will be in rehab for at least a month, if not more, and that gives me plenty of time to figure out my living arrangements.
It’s not until the third day that the answer I’ve been looking for finally comes. Rifling through our mail, I’m surprised when I come across a large white envelope from Morrison & Sons Advertising. They’re one of the top advertising firms in New York City. I sent them my resume and applied for an internship with their company prior to meeting Kyle. I wonder why I’m hearing back from them now. I place the rest of