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which made sense to one or two of them.
    But for the most part my kids shook their heads, and one earnestly said to me, “Now don’t go all weird on us.” But let’s be realistic. In today’s world having nine kids already makesme “different.” How many people do that nowadays? And if being crazy about a puppy would make me officially eccentric, did I really care? Probably not. Why not? I find that as time goes by, Why not? is often the right answer. Why not do something you love? Why not take a chance and do something new, or stick your neck out, or even fall in love with a puppy? Who was I hurting by stretching my heart to include one more tiny being? Was that really so terrible? I think not.
    Also, more than most of us like to admit, it’s a lonely world, at every age. My kids have grown up and have their own very busy lives, and many of them have moved to other cities, and now so have I. I am only at home in San Francisco part-time, and even when I am, my kids in the same city are too busy to spend much time with me, which is as it should be. They have jobs, careers, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, lives. I don’t expect them to sit around holding my hand. Once upon a time my house was filled with my kids, and their army of friends, and their many dogs. I was married and juggling an overfull life like a high-wire act, balancing a salami on my nose. Now my house is quiet, only one “child” lives at home, recently graduated from college, and she works all day and is out every night. And what kid in their twenties wants to hang around with their parents? None that I know. But that leaves the parents to fill their lives as best they can. It works better (I think,but who knows?) if you are married or have a partner to share your life with. If not, it makes for some very long quiet nights, compared to what it was when married with kids at home. As one friend says, “That was then, this is now,” allegedly a Chinese proverb. And the last thing I want to do, personally, is hang on my children and expect them to fill the voids in my life. They have their own lives to live and destinies to follow, and I have mine. I had those same busy years in my twenties, discovering the world that they are entering now. I don’t expect or even want them to drag me along like so much baggage. They need to be free to pursue their own paths. But then I have to follow my own, and change is not always easy when, for one reason or another, unexpectedly, you are alone.
    In the game of life’s musical chairs, you don’t always get a chair, and then it’s up to us to figure out how to fill our time and make it a good life. I’m very fortunate to have work that I really enjoy, good friends, and wonderful kids. But I find that no one who is still married or in partnership realizes or remembers how incredibly silent and lonely life can be when you’re alone. Can a dog take the place of a person you love? No. A dog is not a person. But lacking a human to spend your time and life with, a dog can be a wonderful companion, warm your heart, and make you feel good about life. A dog can be an antidote to depression, a good excuse to get exercise,someone/something to take care of, to dedicate yourself to, even to worry about. A dog can make you smile, or just snuggle with you at night. They make the elderly feel loved and teach the young to be responsible. There are many, many good reasons to have a dog.
    And loneliness is not unique to the elderly or even the middle-aged. I think solitude and loneliness are the new
mal du siècle
and affect every age. I see young people who are extremely lonely now. It’s a tough subject, but suicide is more common now among the young than ever before. Something is missing in our lives. And some of the technological advancements (texting, e-mail) have made it fabulously easy to communicate, but they leave people without companionship and the everyday contact with other humans that has been an important