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Mark lost all interest in everything, especially the bar, and he'd considered closing the place down after neglect had nearly run it into the ground. He had promoted Louie as a last ditch effort not to fold, and amazingly Louie had managed to pump life back into the stagnant business. Mark owed Louie a huge debt of gratitude for every day he chose to stay on at the MN, because he simply couldn't handle it on his own anymore.
    Glancing around the bar, Mark swore he saw Ricardo's shadow out of the corner of his eye, constantly moving just out of his sight. The memories were everywhere, and even after all this time, they were still too painful for him to face head-on. Trying not to get carried away, he grabbed a rag from under the cash register and began to wipe up the spills on the bar.
    Louie eyed him for a few moments, but Mark refused to meet his gaze. He was wiping up imaginary spills by now, but he couldn't stop. He needed to at least maintain the illusion of being busy.
    Louie opened a couple bottles of beer and handed them over the bar before moving closer. His hand landed on top of Mark's, squeezing reassuringly and stilling his unnecessary motions. "You all right, boss?"
    Mark nodded and backed away from the bar, offering Louie a feeble smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just got a lot on my mind right now. I thought I'd stop by and see about the bills, maybe run some numbers. I've been thinking about putting a new floor on the stage, maybe even expanding it some. We haven't had any shows in a while, and there are some really good new local bands we could book. Need to do something to keep this place interesting."
    "That'd be a good start anyway. The stage has been empty for too long." Louie shook his head, sliding two glasses down the bar to waiting patrons before turning back to face Mark. "Shit man, you really need to think about expanding the whole place. You know we actually reach capacity on the weekends, and we have to turn people away. You ought to think about knocking out that side wall and doubling the size of the club, maybe add a second bar over on the other side, open the place up a little…" Louie's eyes shone in the near darkness as he bit his lower lip, a faraway look crossing his face while he considered the possibilities.
    Mark's throat tightened and he thought back to when he held that kind of passion for business and similar hopes for the future. He and Ricardo had discussed many of those same ideas before the accident. But now the thought of expanding filled him with dread and exhaustion as opposed to the excitement he saw on Louie's face. Mark smiled feebly and shook his head. "I'll give it some thought, but… I think, maybe I'm getting too old, getting tired."
    Louie blew out an exasperated breath and shook his head. He rounded on Mark, his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. "You aren't old yet, man. You're tired because you keep dragging yourself down and beating yourself up over something you never had any control over! Ricky loved you, man, and he wouldn't want you to sit around mourning him forever like this. It's been a year, Mark, you need to let go. Why don't you get out there on that dance floor, make a friend for the night, huh?"
    Mark gritted his teeth and looked out across the bar at the throng of young, sweaty men dancing to a heavy base beat. "You're way out of line, Louie. Eleven months. We were together for twenty-two years, and he's been gone for eleven months. I'm forty-five years old, damn it! I'm not looking for some college kid, and I'm not looking for a good time… I'm not looking at all, okay? Just drop it."
    As quickly as it had come, Mark ' s temper faded, leaving him deflated and ashamed. Louie hadn ' t meant any harm, and he was right. Although Mark couldn ' t even imagine dating again, he did need to get out more, and to, as Ricardo would say " live a little! " before he gave in to the depression completely. He just didn ' t know how anymore. He swallowed and turned away