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Planet of New Colorado, announced that last night Legion air strikes hit a terrorist training camp run by the notorious militia leader Mountain Storm. Using advanced satellite surveillance, the Legion spotted five cruise missiles about to be launched from the hilltop terrorist stronghold. The Space Weapons Platform T. Roosevelt dropped numerous large smart bombs on the terrorists, destroying all five cruise missiles and inflicting heavy casualties. The attack was in accordance with Legion policy to attack terrorists wherever and whenever they may be found. Mountain Storm is believed responsible for last week’s attack on Walmart. The Legion has already contacted Arthropodan authorities, demanding the arrest and extradition of Mountain Storm. The local Arthropodan military commander issued a curt formal protest, accusing the Legion of adventurism and of violating the Empire’s territorial sovereignty. The spider commander also questioned whether legionnaires should be used as peacekeepers.
     
     
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    Chapter 4
     
     
     
    My day started out good. When I opened my email, I found I had been awarded a Presidential Citation for my peacekeeping work out on the Frontier. Another Legion Medal of Merit would be arriving in the mail, too. I was able to savor the good news for about an hour before bad news plopped itself at my Legion Headquarters doorstep.
    “There are two investigators from the USGF Attorney General’s Office here to see you,” advised Corporal John Iwo Jima Wayne. The big spider legionnaire seemed unusually cheerful. That was always a bad sign because Wayne was only happy when there was killing to be done. I suspected he had alien issues our psych people couldn’t or wouldn’t deal with.
    “The Attorney General’s Office?” I asked. “What do they want?”
    “I think you did not pay your taxes,” advised Corporal Wayne. “I overheard them talking about Leavenworth Prison being full of tax evaders and perverts like you.”
    “This is not good,” I said. “The IRS is like the Mafia. They think they can take whatever they want. Can you kill them for me? I’ll promote you to sergeant.”
    “Yes, sir,” said Corporal Wayne, drawing his large jagged combat knife. “Do you want it done slow and painful, or quick and merciful?”
    “I was just joking,” I said. “I think. We’ll talk later.” “I was kidding, too,” said Corporal Wayne, disappointed. “I didn’t think spiders joked,” I commented. “This one does,” said Corporal Wayne. “It just goes to show I have been around you human pestilence way too long. Have you approved my vacation leave yet?”
    “No,” I answered. “Tell the Feds I am out of my office on top-secret field maneuvers, and can’t be reached for days.” “I already told them you were here,” explained Corporal Wayne. “Sorry, sir.” “Spider snitch,” I grumbled. “You can be replaced.” “Good,” said Corporal Wayne, as he opened the door for the Feds. “I do not like it here in Scorpion City surrounded by all those slithering scorpions. Did you know they are cannibals?” Wayne turned back before exiting and hissed, “Your visitors are waiting. Are you sure you do not want me to kill them?”
    I motioned Wayne out the door. A moment later the two investigators bustled in. “Captain Czerinski,” said the taller one. “I am Special Agent Morrison, and this is Special Agent Smith. We are here at the behest of a special prosecutor investigating whether President Miller conspired to fix a Yankees baseball game. Impeachment proceedings are imminent.”
    “The President is not a crook,” I said. “What are you, Democrats?”
    “The President denies the accusations,” advised Agent Morrison. “But mounting evidence indicates otherwise. We have information the conspiracy has its roots right here on New Colorado. Do you have any knowledge of this?”
    “Why are you asking me?”
    “Captain Czerinski,