to be happy and do whatever they want; so how come so many of them have got such lousy jobs and such depressing lives? I mean, take a look at most of the adults around you every day. Would you want to grow up to be like them?
Anyway, back to Attila the Hundle. The door to his office is slightly open, so I walk in and sit in the hot seat. He is standing at the window with his back to me, looking out at the schoolyard.
Without turning, heâs like, âGo back out and knock.â
Iâm like, âSorry, sir, but the door was open. I thought ââ
âGo back out and knock.â
I get up, march outside and knock on the door. âCome.â
I shuffle back in, put the textbook and envelopeon his desk blotter and stand waiting. He keeps me standing there for ages.
Iâm thinking heâs got a heart like a plum stone, small and dry and hard.
Then, finally, âIt is always polite to knock, boy!â Cold as ice.
I admit he scares me but Iâm not about to let him see it.
âSit.â
I sit. He doesnât turn round, just stands looking out the window, arms folded. My legs are jerking, Iâm so nervous.
He finally turns from the window, strides over to his desk and sits down. Looks at me coldly through rimless glasses. Heâs got those deep-set kind of eyes that make you think youâre looking at them through a dark tunnel.
âWhatâs this?â Picks up the textbook.
I shrug. Itâs the same kind of shrug Lance Armstrong gives when heâs being interviewed after a day of racing in the Tour de France and the TV reporters ask him what he thinks his chances are of keeping his
maillot jaune
the next day.
Attila the Hundle opens the envelope and readsthe note. Then he looks at the damaged pages in the textbook.
âYou admit you mutilated this book?â
I nod, though I think âmutilatedâ is exaggerating the damage a bit.
âSpeak up, boy!â
He waits with tight lips. âYes, sir.â
Itâs like we just moved into another ice age itâs so cold in here.
He pushes the open book toward me so I can see again my sinful ways. He says, âTell me why you vandalized an expensive school textbook with these distasteful markings.â
I look. I donât see anything distasteful, except maybe the tomato splotch. Thereâs a couple of crudely drawn bicycles in the empty space between chapters, and around the margins of the two pages thereâs about twenty screaming heads, like the one in the famous painting I like so much â
The Scream
. You know the one â the woman on the bridge screaming, her hands pressed to the sides of her head? Painted by a feller named Eddie Munch? Iâve got a poster of
The Scream
I brung with me from Dublin.I got it when Ma was sick the first time, about five years ago. Itâs on the wall of my room next to my poster of Lance Armstrong.
Iâve been drawing little screaming heads like the one in the painting ever since Da was laid off from the Dublin gasworks and he and Ma told us we were leaving Dublin and going off to join Aunt Maeve and Crazy Uncle Rufus out in Canada where we would all be better off.
Personally, I think we were better off where we were, in Dublin. Maybe the worry of the move and Da trying to find a job helped to make Ma sick again.
Attila the Hundle is glaring at me, waiting for an answer.
There is no answer so I say nothing.
Heâs like, âWell?â Dripping cold.
The temperature dips even more. Icicles start to form on the edge of Attila the Hundleâs desk. Itâs deadly in here.
Iâm like, âSir, look, Iâm sorry ââ
âSorry is hardly good enough. You destroy a perfectly good textbook and all you can come up with is âIâm sorry.ââ
âIâll pay for the book.â
âAnd tell me why you were having detention with Mrs. Pickles.â
âHomework.â
âSpeak up,