Pax Britannia: Human Nature Read Online Free Page A

enjoying Mrs Prufrock's cooking over the last couple of months. Eating me out of house and home, no doubt.
    "You know I have an addictive personality," his brother countered.
    "Is that what Doctor Armitage calls it? And better food than the gee-gees, eh?" Ulysses said pointedly. "I don't know, I risk life and limb -"
    "Yes, you made that point already," Barty said, making a point himself, ignoring Ulysses' jibe about the few pounds he had put on since moving into the Mayfair residence, and effectively taking the wind out of Ulysses' sails.
    "I don't know what's worse," Ulysses fumed, "your lack of interest or the Ministry's."
    "Very well, assuming for a moment that I am interested, what's happened to Department Q then?"
    Ulysses' annoyed expression didn't change but he realised that this was as good as he was going to get so he made the most of the opportunity.
    "Word is there's been a shake-up. No more direct ministerial interference. And about time too."
    "No more ministerial involvement?" Barty said, putting a piece of black pudding in his mouth and chewing it lugubriously.
    "It's been brought in under the wire, along with Prime Minister Valentine's other reforms, in the wake of the terror attacks and Wormwood's attempted coup. About time too. Can't have politicians getting in the way when there are Magna Britannia's national interests to protect."
    Barty swallowed and paused in his decimation of the breakfast plate in front of him. "Prime Ministers and political parties come and go, but the Empire endures!"
    "Quite so."
    A minute passed without either of them saying anything, the only sound in the dining room, other than the ticking of the ormolu clock on the mantelpiece, the scrape of Barty's cutlery on his plate as he chased the last of the fried mushrooms around his plate.
    "But just the same. Page seven ?"
    "Anyway, apart from nothing of significance about you," Barty said with strained good humour, "what else is in the news today?"
    "Oh, you know, the usual," Ulysses muttered, shaking the paper out in front of him as he finally moved on from his brief mention on page seven. "More about Valentine and his attempts to turn back the tide, or rather, in his case, the Smog."
    "Right little Canute, isn't he?"
    "You could say that." Ulysses said half under his breath, eyes scanning the newsprint in front of him.
    "And?"
    "Oh, how wonderful. It says here that Petunia Chase is being considered for the recently vacated post of Director of Kew. Bully for her!"
    "Anything else?"
    "There's something about Oddfellow's return as well."
    "Oh yes?" Barty said, soundly properly interested now. "Any mention of your other lady friend? What was her name again? Emily? Amelia?"
    "Emilia, with an 'E'."
    "Oh yes, that was it," Barty said locking onto this little nugget, seeing how Ulysses was squirming at his interrogation. There weren't many occasions when Barty had the chance to feel superior to his brother, so when one did come along, he liked to make the most of it. "You never did tell me how the two of you got on."
    "No, I didn't," Ulysses snapped.
    "How long has it been, now?'
    "Listen to this!" Ulysses suddenly exclaimed, behaving as if the last two minutes of conversation had never happened. "A mermaid has been stolen from an exhibition, right here in London!"
    Realising that Ulysses wasn't going to be drawn further on the subject of him and his old flame Emilia Oddfellow, no matter how much he badgered, Barty gave in and feigned interest in the article Ulysses was reading.
    "What? You mean like the figurehead of some ship, or something."
    "No, I mean like a half-human, half-fish hybrid. Comb, mirror, siren song, beloved of sailors. I swear on our mother's grave -"
    "There's no need for that," Barty protested.
    " -it's the genuine article. A sailor's wet dream, I tell you."
    "Oh, you mean like a manatee, or sea cow, or whatever they're called."
    There was a suggestion of mania about both Ulysses' tone and his expression now. "No. I