* *
Kaia and Jason sit on either side of his sofa, the width of the middle cushion between them. It’s a strange feeling, being so distant, and so different from all the other times she’s been over here. Times when the two of them would curl up against each other, unable to keep their hands to themselves. Hell, half of the time they’d forego the living room altogether, and Jason would walk her back to the bedroom, hand-in-hand, desperate to worship her body.
Kaia shakes away those thoughts. Tonight isn’t about sex.
“Thank you for coming,” Jason says.
“Of course. I…I wanted to hear you out.”
They’re both completely tense, like a couple of strangers. The contrast between how things are between them now, and how they used to be hits Kaia hard.
“I want to start by apologizing to you,” Jason says.
Kaia thinks he’s going to follow up with something, but the words just hang there between them.
“Apologize for what?” Kaia doesn’t want a blanket apology. She wants Jason to list all the things he’s sorry for so that she can make sure they’re both on the same page about what is and is not acceptable between them.
“For not telling you about the security. I’m not sorry for hiring them,” he clarifies. “I’ll explain to you why. But I am sorry for keeping it from you, and sorry that you found out the way that you did. I’m sorry that you were scared, and that I was the cause of that. I’m sorry for keeping things from you that you should know about if we’re going to be in a relationship with each other.”
It feels like a herd of butterflies are trapped in Kaia’s stomach, desperate to get out. Those apologies are more than she thought she’d get from Jason tonight.
He clasps his hands together, scooting a little closer to the edge of the couch. His back is rod-straight, and he looks incredibly uncomfortable. Despite the rift between the two of them, Kaia wants nothing more than to reach out and take his hand.
Acting on instinct, she closes the distance between them, and that’s exactly what she does.
He’s trembling a little, and it breaks her heart. Even though this is a huge step for him, and whatever he’s going to tell her is definitely something that she needs to know, she decides to be kind and offer him an out.
“Jason,” she begins softly, “if you’re not ready…”
“I might not ever be ready,” he admits. “But I know for sure that I’m not ready to lose you, so I need to tell you this.”
“I didn’t give you an ultimatum, you know,” Kaia says. “We’re not working on a timetable here.”
“I know.” He nods. “I want to do this.”
Kaia isn’t sure that she believes him, but she’s going to trust that he’s telling her the truth.
“Should we get some wine?” She’s teasing, but only a little. If some alcohol will help him get through this, then he should have that.
“I had a couple of shots earlier.” He squeezes her hand, then brings it up to his lips, pressing a kiss on the back of it.
He takes a deep breath, then his eyes meet hers, all haunted and sad. “When I was twelve, my parents were murdered.”
The admission actually takes Kaia’s breath away, like a punch to the gut. She’s not sure what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that. Kaia places her free hand on Jason’s knee, and rubs the pad of her thumb back and forth. She doesn’t want to breathe a word; she knows that condolences aren’t what he’s looking for from her anyway.
“I had an incredibly privileged childhood. My father was the CEO of a software company that he built from the ground up alongside my mother, when the two of them were straight out of college.
“My dad was more of an entrepreneur; he had a head for the creative side of things, the software development. My mom handled the business side, because Dad just didn’t have time for the details. That was where she thrived.