Of Saints and Shadows (1994) Read Online Free Page B

you want to read it before me, that’s fine, but if I’m supposed to be finding out what happened to Janet . . .”
    He left it at that.
    She was very quiet. She picked up the diary and simply stared at the cover for a moment. She opened to the first page, then shut it again, closed her eyes, and rested her chin on her hands. When her eyes opened, she had made a decision.
    “Let’s get this straight, Mr. Oct—Peter. I do not consider myself a lesbian, though then again, I have nothing against those who do.”
    “Hold on,” Peter interrupted. “[ don’t care what you are or aren’t, and I’m not trying to put you on the defensive. I’m not judging anybody. Now, please. Relax.”
    She looked a little embarrassed, and a little nervous. She took a deep breath and continued.
    “I’m telling you this because I would never tell the cops and I figure I can trust your discretion. You never know what could be important in finding her, so someone should know the truth.
    “What I was about to say is that I don’t consider myself a lesbian, but I would have to say I am bisexual. Though I’ve only been with one woman, and it was a long time ago, I don’t think it’s something you can stop being. You’re right that the woman was Janet.
    “I’m not worried about myself. There’s nobody in my life I need to hide things from. I just don’t want Frank to find out; it would kill him. He’s an old-fashioned kind of guy, and Janet’s situation is different from mine. She’s far from promiscuous—as I said, she’s a private person. But of the lovers she’s had since I’ve known her, there have been at least a couple of women besides myself, as recently as last year. This is a little hard to talk about to a stranger. I’ve only ever told a couple of people.”
    She slopped short, looking at him. Something in his eyes, on his face, told her it was okay to continue. He projected an acceptance that was unique in her experience. There was an understanding that radiated from him that would have been impossible to explain. It was, in a way, like the altitude of people who are truly old, who have lived it all and understand your feelings better than you. She was calm now.
    “We were lovers for almost a year—God, that’s hard to say—beginning over the summer between freshman and sophomore years, right after we moved in together. The next summer we talked about one of us moving out, but realized it didn’t matter. I don’t really want to explain it to you, but that part of our relationship stopped. We went on being good, loving friends and constant companions, but there was nothing physical about it. We double-dated, set each other up on blind dates, the whole deal. Every once in a while, when one of us got badly hurt, things might happen, but . . .
    “By the time senior year rolled around, we each had a full-time boyfriend. I really thought she was going to marry Simon, and I think she did, too. Then he got a job as a photojournalist down in Central America, and she stayed here. Things didn’t work out with Max and me either, so Janet and I ended up where we started.
    “I know she’s had a couple of other women since, but she was the only woman I was ever with. I’ve never been attracted to any others. I don’t know why it happened. . . .”
    “You should be glad it did,” Peter said, startling her into silence. She seemed almost to have forgotten she was revealing so much of herself, and now her candid speech shocked her.
    “Really, you should be glad. Very few people ever really love someone. . . .”
    She wailed for him to continue, but he did not.
    “She’s my friend, Peter. We have our differences, like any people who share space. I love her, and I hope you can find her, but now I don’t think I want to talk about this anymore. Thank you for being so understanding.”
    “Let’s hope I can do more than that.”
    It was obvious to Peter that Meaghan felt a need to defend her actions, and he felt for