Never a Hero to Me Read Online Free Page B

under the circumstances and went back through to the lounge. Dad and Gary were in the middle of a conversation about Mum’s hospitalisation, and my big brother was asking, ‘Why can’t we go too? Why do we have to wait until Sunday?’ I was glad he had asked that as it was the very question preying on my mind, but I was too scared to bring it up after Dad’s reaction to Agnes last night. It just seemed everything to do with the whole issue was going to put him in a bad mood.
    Dad didn’t have to answer Gary as there was a knock at the door. Almost as if thinking about her had brought her there, he opened it to reveal Agnes. ‘How’s Valerie?’ she asked, without any preamble. Dad didn’t invite her in; in fact, he narrowed the space between them by closing the door a little more. ‘Not too good. She needs rest. She needs peace and quiet.’ He stared at Agnes. ‘She doesn’t need visitors.’ That answered Gary’s question and my own unvoiced ones as well as putting Agnes firmly in her place.
    By this time, both Gary and I were standing beside our dad. Agnes smiled warmly at us. ‘How are you kids doing?’ she asked us directly. Before we could answer, Dad snapped, ‘They’re fine, they know what’s going on.’ He went to close the door on her, but Agnes pushed it back slightly. ‘My offer still stands, Harry. I’ll take those kids any time. I’ll take them all weekend.’ My heart was in my mouth and I crossed my fingers behind my back. Maybe if Agnes took us, Dad would be happier. I wouldn’t be getting things wrong all the time, and he wouldn’t have to shout at me. Then, my old dad would be back, and when Mum got home from hospital, everything would be back to normal. Even as I stood there, beside the man who had taken the first steps on his horrific campaign to rob me of my childhood, I was wondering how much of it was my fault – and whether it was just a one-off, something I had misinterpreted and which could be forgotten . . . if only he would say ‘yes’ to Agnes.
    He made a strange noise, almost snorting at her offer. ‘No. Absolutely not. We can manage.’ I have often wondered why Agnes kept trying. My dad was being very blunt in his refusal, but she didn’t give up. ‘Today then. I’ll take them today. Or what about little Tracy? I could just take her. Give her something to eat. Leave her till suppertime, I’ll give her a bath and get her all settled. Why not, Harry?’
    My dad’s eyes flicked over me. ‘I’ve got someone coming in, Agnes. I don’t need you. We don’t need you.’ With that, he slammed the door in her face and made his way back to the lounge, followed by Gary. I stood there, something in my little heart realising that a chance had been taken away from me. Dad had said that someone was coming to look after us, and that gave me a glimmer of hope, but I wanted to go with Agnes. ‘Dad,’ I began, going into the lounge. ‘When is the lady coming to look after us? Who is she?’
    ‘What?’ he barked. ‘You must be even more stupid than I thought you were. I only said that to get the interfering old cow out of my face. We don’t need her poking her nose in. When I’m gone, don’t answer the door – and stay away from the windows, or you know what you’ll get.’
    He only looked at me when he said all of this, and Gary seemed oblivious to the instructions or the threat. ‘Can I go out and play when you visit Mum later?’ he asked.
    ‘Course you can, son,’ Dad quickly assured him, as the unfairness of it all hit me. I was the one being kept inside. I was the one who wasn’t to answer the door. I was the one being imprisoned.
    ‘And you,’ he hissed, narrowing his eyes at me as if I was something nasty he’d trod in. ‘Clean up. Shut up. And remember – be a good girl.’
    This was a phrase which was already filling me with dread, and it would be one which would become his code for so many awful things I couldn’t even imagine at that stage.