going to let those kids get away with what they did,â my mother says, not to me, but to my father and at the top of her lungs. Sheâs furious.
âPoor Addie,â my dad says. âIâve been hoping she would break out of that shell. Then maybe this never would have happened.â
âYou think this is her fault?â my mom asks.
âNo, of course not. But, Leslie, you know things are a lot easier for kids who arenât so thin-skinned, who donât analyze every move they make or think that every decision is a matter of life and death.â
I hear my mother sigh.
I donât sleep that night. The next morning, I refuse to go to school. My mom doesnât argue with me.
I stay in bed, my eyes glued to my cell phone, waiting for John to call, waiting for Neely to call. Iâm not sure which call I wish for more.
Neely is my best friend.
Correction. Neely was my best friend up until the beginning of this school year. But Neely was there, holding that light. She didnât just see what they did to me. She was involved.
She doesnât call.
John does. He swears he had nothing to do with what happened. He says Kayla asked to meet him. I donât know whether to believe him or not. He doesnât call again.
I donât know how many days pass after that. All I know is that one morning when thereâs no one in the house, I go to the bathroom, find a brand-new bottle of aspirin and swallow the whole thing. About an hour later, I panic. I call my mom and tell her what I did. I spend the next two days locked down in the regional hospital, where they monitor my blood levels and where a doctor says, âMaybe you think life sucks, but let me tell you, young lady, life on dialysis sucks a lot more.â It turns out I could have wiped out my kidneys without taking myself with them.
They make me talk to a shrink before they let me go home. Then I have to go regularly and talk to another one. I lose fifteen pounds. I canât sleep. I donât care about food. I donât care about anything. I donât think I even realize that I donât care.
Neely doesnât call.
Christmas comes and goes. And thenâI donât know if itâs the medication or if itâs that a new year has rolled aroundâI decide to go back to school.
Crazy, huh?
So here I am, back.
And there she is, just like always. Except for the fact that sheâs avoiding me, sheâs acting like nothing happened.
I still canât believe what she did.
I still have no idea why she did it. Sure, I get that she didnât want to be friends with me anymore. She couldnât have made it any clearer. But to do something like that? To humiliate me in front of all those kids just to prove sheâs cool? To hack the school computer the way she did, email that link to every kid in school to make sure they saw it, post that video so people all over the world could get a good laugh? Thatâs hard-core. What did I do to deserve that?
I stand there. I look at the kids who are looking at Neelyâand at me. I wait. But she doesnât even glance in my direction. She doesnât acknowledge me. Instead she backs out of her locker and slams the door. She keeps her head down as she threads her lock through the locker loops and fastens it. She turns away from me and walks down the hall. I watch her merge with the mass of other kids until all I see is the back of her head, until she is swallowed up altogether. Then I turn. I walk in the opposite direction, down the hall, down the stairs, past the office and out the big front doors. I am done here. I am never coming back. Why should I?
Neelyâs Story
Chapter Seven
Thereâs no such thing as a free lunch . My dad must have said that a million times. That, and You pay now or you pay later, but you always pay . My mom says heâs cynical. She says he thinks everyone has an angle. Everyone wants something. Thatâs where the