enough how much communication is always everything, especially in a man that you are considering a long-term relationship with. To be with someone for so long, it will change you, you want to hope your time and investment is to change you for the better.”
Lila looked down at my notepad expectantly. I hurriedly wrote down what she said embarrassed that I had stopped writing in the first place. My mind was in shambles. I was angry at myself that I let every word of hers sink into my bone. I continued dismissing it as we continued our interview but that nauseous feeling continued through the entire interview, and I hated that my body was telling me that something was wrong.
What I hated more was that suddenly, although everything was going seemingly perfect, I had doubts about mine and Damon’s relationship and all that we stood for. Had I been delusional this entire time? I swatted that idea away. We were happy and I loved him. And yet, that knotting feeling in my stomach continued. Were there any more secrets Damon could be hiding from me, he had after all had so many from the start?
Chapter Five
M y mood plummeted over the next few days. I tried my hardest not to show him my uneasiness before he left for a conference in Los Angeles for a few nights, but he wasn’t fooled. I was able to deter him to think it was my concern for something my sister, Megan has been muddled up with. What made me feel worse was that I was lying about it, and that he instantly offered help in any way he could. I had never felt so ugly before and hated myself for the mixed emotions I felt, all because of one woman’s judgement on relationships. I pondered over my doubtful thoughts, trying to push them away and justify the saner thoughts. Yet I only fumed. My appetite was gone and I became broody. I hated it. I was never so ugly.
I was busily typing away on my laptop, exhaling deeply as another knot tied in my stomach. I wanted to vomit. I hesitated to grab my bin as the nauseous feeling went away. Why had I cornered myself into this emotional turmoil? Why was I stressing over something that wasn’t even there, to the point where it was making me physically ill?
“You’re awfully pale and ghost-like today,” Hayden said interrupting me from my thoughts. I shot up from my chair startled. I didn’t even hear him come in. He eased his hands in a calm manner. “Woah, no reason to be so jumpy. Is everything alright Clover?”
“Sorry, I’m just. . .” I trailed off in disappointment. Why was I reflecting on this so much, surely I wasn’t becoming emotionally unstable? “Never mind, when did you get back?” I asked, realigning myself and my usual confident self. I walked to him and hugged him. His broad shoulders and cologne were now familiar to me and put me at ease.
“This afternoon.” He leaned back slightly so he could look down at me. He measured me for a moment. Despite what most people thought of Hayden he was very perceptive. “Clover are you sure everything is okay?”
“Of course it is,” I smiled. “I’ve just been feeling a bit off lately.”
“I’ll say, you never hug me for this long,” he teased. I pulled away in embarrassment. I felt foolish, like a child clingy to their safety blanket. Hayden and I had been friends for a long time and although time had come between our friendship from our university days, we were now close again. I was grateful that the jealousy Damon once harbored for him was no longer there. We all comfortably got along.
“Maybe I missed you,” I retorted in a teasing manner.
“Hardly, more like your mother’s casserole she forced me to bring down,” he said ruffling his blonde