Monkey Business Read Online Free Page A

as if she was talking to someone who had not one single ounce of a brain. ‘That would be
your
responsibility, obviously,’ she said. ‘I
absolutely could
not
have it at my place. My mum has only just finished having the garden designed, and Dad has filled the allotment with new plants. And our garage is completely Full to
Bursting with simply heaps of stuff. But just imagine!’ she said, changing tack hastily. ‘If we had our Very Own wild elephant, we could set it on mean people, like Humphrey Darling. He
would soon learn his lesson and not flick wet tissues and bogeys at us in RE.’
    Felix was worried that he was losing control of the situation far too rapidly. Flo was tricky enough to keep up with at the best of times, but today she seemed to be on Planet Janet with the
Weirdos. If the elephant lived in his house, how would he get it to school to set it on mean people like Humphrey Darling, for goodness sake? He could hardly just squeeze it into the car without
Mum noticing.
    ‘You still haven’t said how we are going to
get
this elephant,’ Felix said, a bit sulkily.
    ‘Listen,’ Flo said, ‘you are the one who is always saying that you wish you had a pet that was not boring. And you keep telling me you need a replacement for Jonah.’
    Poor Jonah. He had not survived longer than a week. Felix missed him rather a lot considering he was only a goldfish.
    ‘That’s true,’ Felix said, nodding. ‘OK, fine. I’ll ask Zed about elephants when he picks me up. It’s my birthday soon and he’s been asking me what I
want as a present . . . Do you want to come back with us tonight and see what he says?’
    ‘Nah,’ said Flo. ‘I’m going to Millie’s.’
    Millie was a very pink and girly girl. Felix was about to say as much, but Flo gave him another one of her Looks, so he didn’t.

5
THE
FAVOURITE UNCLE
    Felix tore out of school at the first sight of his uncle.
    ‘Hey, dude!’ Zed cried, throwing his arms round his nephew.
    ‘How do you get hold of a Real Live Extra-Wild Elephant?’ said Felix, gasping for breath and struggling to free himself from the monster bear hug.
    ‘Heeey! A joke!’ Zed said, slapping Felix on the back. ‘What do you reckon, Silvs?’ he asked his girlfriend. ‘How do you get hold of a Real Life Extra-Wild
Elephant?’
    ‘Errr. Like, stick it in the fridge?’ Silver asked, twirling one of the long ribbons that trailed from the back of her head like octopus tentacles.
    ‘Yeah! Those jokes always have elephants in fridges, don’t they, Feels?’
    ‘NO!’ Felix cried. It was quite frustration-making talking to Zed and Silver sometimes. ‘It’s not a
joke
! I really entirely mean it – how do you get hold of
an extra-wild elephant? To KEEP?’
    ‘OK, OK – less stress!’ Zed said, putting a suntanned hand on Felix’s shoulder. ‘You can tell me all about it once we’re on the boat.’
    But Felix was
desperate
to talk to Zed about the elephant. He was worried that Flo would be asking him for all the details of his conversation with Zed the next morning, so he needed to
talk to him – and fast.
    ‘But it’s Immensely Important,’ Felix said, hopping from foot to foot.
    ‘Feels, man,’ said Zed quietly, stooping down and looking deep into his nephew’s eyes, ‘we have all the time in the world, yeah? Let’s save it till we’re out
of this madhouse.’ He nodded in the direction of the hordes of other children streaming out of school towards their parents and carers, all shouting and talking at once.
    ‘All right,’ Felix said grudgingly. Zed had a point.
    He climbed on to the trailer bike that was attached to the back of Zed’s tandem and strapped on the helmet his uncle handed him. This was the way to travel – far better than the car.
Zed was up in front, then Silver, and Felix pedalled on the trailer bike behind them. He loved the way the warm spring air went all whooshy around his ears as they sped off down to the tow path.
That was the