Momzillas Read Online Free Page A

by as they scanned the mommies on the playground and launched their assault, ushering me into their trench, arming me with staunch opinions and harsh
tsk-tsk
s about that other species of moms who journey daily to Hades. I mean, the office.
    â€œJust look at her, poor Caroline Simmons,” Bee said, shaking her head while looking toward the tire swings, where an attractive woman in a gray suit stood waving to her son, who was being pushed by his heavyset black nanny.
    â€œHere for the fifteen-minute drive-by,” Maggie said icily, rubbing her swollen belly. “I heard she works, like, literally twelve hours a day. Can you imagine?”
    â€œIt’s just so sad, really,” said Bee. “These women, they farm out the most important thing in life, the raising of their children! They’re gone all day, they come home exhausted, and they miss the precious moments. Tragic, really.” Bee looked around the playground and spied another woman who sparked a thought.
    â€œOh, Hannah—see that girl in the pink twinset? Okay, her name is Molly McBride and she used to be really really fat! But then she had her baby and got this weird thyroid thing so now she’s all thin and is wearing skirts like that. I mean, hello, who do you think you are, the third Hilton sister? We’re not twenty-four anymore.”
    â€œI think she does it to flirt with Scott from Mini Mozarts,” said Maggie. “She has a massive crush on him.”
    â€œEveryone has a crush on Scott from Mini Mozarts,” added Bee with a hairflip. “Hannah, he’s this hot guitarist who lives downtown but he does these baby music classes up here and has already slept with three moms!” she said excitedly. “He’s banging his way up Park Avenue.”
    â€œThat’s three we know of. There could be loads more,” added Maggie, eyes ablaze. “Oh! Which reminds me.” She pulled out a contraption that said BeBe Sounds and proceeded to place giant headphones on her belly, pressing play on a CD player. “
Mozart for Babies
,” she said, smiling. “It makes them smarter, studies have shown.”
    â€œUgh, there goes Molly in her teeny skirt,” said Bee, studying the leggy woman exiting the playground. “It’s so weird how thin she’s gotten. I just can’t get the image of her old self out of my head. I mean she had chins, Hannah,
chins
.”
    â€œWell, that’s the thing about getting skinny after being huge,” said Maggie. “Everyone who knew you always remembers the old you. You can never shake the fat shadow.”
    I looked down and saw my thighs spreading over the painted green bench. Shit, what did they think of my tree trunks? Okay, I wasn’t a lard ass or anything, I guess one would call me average. But “average” in my new habitat was certainly a size four to my curvier eight.
    â€œAnd Molly’s friends with this girl Lulita DeVeer, who has a kid out of wedlock with her, ahem,
partner
,” sneered Bee. “Like I always say: Carriage before marriage is trashy trashy trashy.”
    Maggie chimed in, “I mean, this isn’t California!” Then she caught herself, as if yours truly were hot off the plane from said state of sin. “No offense…” she added meekly.
    â€œLook, Caroline Simmons has Tokyo on the phone, there she goes!” Bee observed as the harried woman took a call and waved a frantic good-bye and mimed a blown kiss to her child, who spun around in the tire swing. “She’s leaving already. Back to the grind.”
    I decided not to mention that I was desperate to get back to work. I needed something in my life so as not to OD on unpacking boxes and wondering how to fill the day.
    â€œSo Hannah,” said Maggie, looking me over. “Bee and I thought you might want to join our sessions with Dr. Poundschlosser. He’s a genius in child psychology and we meet with him