Lost Read Online Free Page A

relatively quickly.
I spied the store ahead of me, and I quickened my pace.
    And then I saw
him. Up ahead, for just a second, I saw a man. His hair was longer, and he was
thinner, but—
    Brian? My hand went to my throat, and I
stopped. I stopped so abruptly that someone bumped into me.
    “Oh. I’m
sorry.” I turned as a young man looked at me and kept walking.
    I looked ahead
again, but the man was gone. Right after Brian was killed, I saw him
everywhere. Every man that was about his height, that had a shirt like his, or
hair the same color. I saw Brian at every turn. I would wake up at night and
still feel him close to me, and my heart would break. For months I slept on the
same set of sheets, refusing to wash them. I left the laundry in our hamper and
would find myself holding his favorite work shirt, and for just a moment I
could feel him in it. But I had started to move forward these past few weeks. I
thought I was making some progress.
    No! NO! I wasn’t going to fall back down the
hole. Brian had blond hair and blue eyes as do lots of men. It’s bound to
happen. I shook it off, looked around, and walked into Ann Taylor.
    Twenty minutes
later, I was the proud owner of a smartly cut, black suit and a gorgeous
turquoise blouse. My favorite color. Even if I didn’t get a job, I would look
good trying. I slung the suit over my arm and carried the bag containing my
blouse with the other hand. I decided to run out to the car and put everything
away before joining the kids. I hurried to the mall exit, which was just a few
doors down and opened the door into the unusually, warm February air. The
change in temperature took my breath away for a moment as I struggled with my
bags.
    “Here, let me
grab that for you.” A deep voice came out of nowhere.
    It was him! The
man I saw. The man I thought was Brian. I stopped and stared and saw the
differences. This man was shorter than my husband, and thinner. His hair was
darker, and he was younger.
    “Ma’am, are you
okay?” He asked me with concern.
    I nodded my
head and smiled. “I’m sorry. You just... You reminded me of someone I knew
once. Thank you.”
    I took my bag
from him and walked to my car. I used to know Brian. I really knew him.
    Do I still
know him? Do memories count? Dreams? Wishes?
    I knew him.

* *
*
    “What’s taking Mommy so long?” Jessie
asked, her voice close to whining.
    “I’m here. Here
I am. Mommy’s here!” I slid into the booth, just as Jimmy was starting to
answer her. “Sorry, guys. I found exactly what I wanted, but I didn’t want to
be stuck carrying it around, so I ran it out to the car.”
    “It’s cool. We
ordered drinks, Mom. I got you a sweet tea. Is that okay?” Jimmy asked.
    “That works!”
    “And we got
some nachos too.”
    “Oh, cool.
Sounds good.” I was suddenly starving.
    “So what did
you get Mrs. Klevan?” Claudia asked me.
    “I found a
really nice black suit and a gorgeous blouse. My favorite color too.”
    “Blue-green!
Mommy’s favorite color is blue-green.” Maggie chirped.
    “Yep, that’s
what Daddy always said. Blue-green just like her eyes,” Jessie recalled.
    I smiled, and
enjoyed the feeling. Hearing the kids talk about Brian was getting easier. I
didn’t want them to forget the good times. And I feared they would. Especially
if I cried every time they mentioned him. For a while, I couldn’t stop the
tears from coming. But this day? This day felt different.
    I missed him. I
missed him with all that I was. But the hole, that hole in the pit of my
stomach seemed a little less empty on this day. And it felt good.
    “Daddy did say
that, didn’t he?” I asked the girls, squeezing their hands over the top of the
table.
    “He did! And
for Mother’s Day, he always looked for that jewelry he said you were pretty in.
What was it again, Jimmy?” Maggie was puzzled.
    “Turquoise, Mag
Pie. Dad always bought Mom a piece of turquoise and silver jewelry for Mother’s
Day.”
    It was a
bittersweet