Look at You Now Read Online Free Page B

will be an adjustment, but we have no choice. Please call if she needs anything, day or night. And, Ms. Graham, as I told you on the phone, Liz will be giving this baby up for adoption immediately after the birth. In fact, she has made a promise that she will not look at, touch, or ask about anything other than the sex of the child. We need to make sure she follows through on that; in the end, it will make it easier for her.”
    Ms. Graham looked over at me, as though she needed confirmation. I nodded, and then watched as my mother reached for her white cashmere scarf. As she wrapped it around her neck she said something else, but her voice sounded muffled and far away. I was sinking underwater and had nothing to grab on to to stop myself. She was leaving, I was staying, and I’d never ever been more terrified. It was the same feeling I’d had as a young kid, when shedropped me at school in kindergarten. And then again in the beginning of the year in first grade, second grade, and third grade. I had cried and whimpered my way through school in the early years away from my family, away from my mom. Something inside me couldn’t seem to catch hold of myself.
    â€œLizzie?” my mother was saying. “I have to go; your sisters are at home alone. I have a lot of people with a lot of questions that I have to somehow figure out a way to answer. And a long drive back.” I sank further and further down to what felt now like the bottom of the black sea.
    â€œCan you show her to her room and help her set up, Ms. Graham?”
    Ms. Graham nodded as my mom grabbed her purse and her camel hair coat. I followed the click, click of her heels out of the office and into the hall. With her back to me, she pressed the handle of the steel door that led to the outside world, to the snowy night and the long drive home. When she turned to face me I saw her eyes well up.
    â€œYou’ll be okay, sweetheart. I’ll come back this weekend and we’ll go somewhere nice. I feel terrible leaving you here, but I know it’s the right thing. Remember to pray, Liz. Ask God to help us through this.”
    She hugged me close; we stayed like that a long time. I was sobbing hard until she finally backed up and took my face in her hands.
    â€œI love you, Liz.”
    â€œI’m sorry, Mom, I’m sorry about all of it,” I said. She squeezed me tightly. “You’ll be back Friday?” I asked.
    â€œFriday it is.”
    The door slammed shut behind her. I stood in her wake for what felt like an eternity, and then made my way back to the woman’s office. Ms. Graham asked me how long I’d been playing the guitar. She was trying to be nice, but I couldn’t answer; I was still crying.
    One hallway led to another, then down a few stairs to anotherheavy door with a lock on it. Ms. Graham took a ring of keys out and opened the door. We entered a corridor that had an odd odor and flickering lights. She turned to me and said, “You will be fine here; you just have to give it some time.”
    We turned and entered a good-sized room with paneled walls and a thumping ceiling fan going round and round. This must be the lounge. There was another door on the opposite side of the room leading out to what looked like a hall with rooms. The hall in this wing must have made a U shape, and the lounge was in the middle with two doors. There were several young pregnant girls sitting around, most of them smoking cigarettes. The room was thick with smoke. A TV with an antenna held together by tinfoil sat crooked against the main wall. There were two shabby couches, a recliner, and several chairs scattered around. There was one lone window oddly placed in the wall in the back, mostly covered by a dreary-looking curtain.
    As Ms. Graham began trying to get the girls’ attention, I noticed a very young girl with a horrible scar running down the entire side of her pale face. All the girls looked up at me,