Living In Perhaps Read Online Free Page B

thrilling, compared to our
house. Mrs Wallis, when she heard these things, would sigh
between clenched teeth. She had large hands which she brought
down firmly on my hands, and later, when I got on to the pedals,
she would sometimes press down with her foot on my foot. It was
an odd way of being guided, like being crushed. And you couldn't
do anything right under her physical force, you couldn't find the
right place because you were just held there, and the next time, on
your own, it would be back to guesswork, as usual.
    *
    But I met Barbara at the piano teacher's. She was sitting in the hall
one day when I arrived. 'I know you,' she said. 'You live next door
to us.'
    I was astounded. I didn't recognize her at all.
    'You live next door to us in Cromer Road. You live in the
bungalow. The one with the windmill.'
    She was right. There was a model windmill in one of the front
garden beds. I omitted to mention it when I described the garden.
It wasn't quite a garden gnome; it was a windmill.
    'I don't know you ,' was all I said.
    'I'm Barbara Hennessy,' she told me, as if that would jog my
memory. I shook my head. Upstairs there was a crash, and a wail.
In the front room a rendering of 'The Bells of St Mary's' fell apart
and then carried, falteringly, on.
    'She's not married, you know,' Barbara said with a glittering
look, glancing at the ceiling. 'All the parents think they're being
dead brave and compassionate sending their kids here for piano
lessons. Helping Grandma pay the bills.'
    None of this made any sense to me, but I loved the way her face
assumed a wicked expression. Maybe I'd never seen a wicked
smile before. I asked her if she had a lesson next but she said she
was just there to pick up some music. Her lessons were usually on
Saturday mornings, and this was a Tuesday. I was relieved, in a
way, because if she had a lesson booked I was sure she had
more right to it than I, who also had one booked then. I
had never waited with anyone else on that uncomfortable seat
before.
    She went in to collect her music. I heard her voice, to and fro
with the piano teacher's, just like two adults having a conversation.
She came out, smiled at me, said, 'I'll see you around,' and
then, at the front door, 'What's your name?'
    I slurred it. I tried the Carolyn trick. Perhaps it would
work.
    *
    Later my lessons were changed to Saturday mornings. My mother
had stopped accompanying me by then; it took up too much of
her time. I walked there on my own.
    I went in as Barbara came out. She always smiled at me. Then
one day she was still there after my lesson. Not on the seat, but in
the road outside.
    I came out into the sunshine and turned right on to the
chipped asphalt pavement. Barbara appeared from a gateway,
from between hedges: an apparition. She had on a red tartan kilt,
a cream woolly jumper. Her hair was messy and loose and fell into
her face. A kilt and a cream jumper and messy hair were suddenly
my aspirations in life.
    'Are you going home?' she asked, and we walked together. My
heart was bumping with excitement in my chest, and I must have
had a stupid grin on my face all the way back to Cromer Road.
Because Barbara had waited, expressly for me .
    I've just met someone, the first person I've encountered in this
place who isn't a zombie. Thank God. I was getting jolly lonely.
Her name is Hanny Gombrich, which is another good thing.
    I like to have a friend, an accomplice.

5
Activity
    They've put me down for Activity.
    That's what they do here. You don't choose an activity, or do an
activity. You get put down for it.
    Mike came into my room and told me. 'Come on, Carol. You
can't stay here all day. I've put you down for Activity .'
    His voice is falsely jolly. I can see from the look in his eyes that
he's afraid I won't go along with it, won't go along with all the
enthusiastic suggestions about chats and activities and time for
tea. And what if I don't? Then he'll have to use an alternative
method of persuasion. I've seen a few