Live for the Day Read Online Free Page B

with that?”
    Steven took a deep breath then turned his head to look at Michael. “I’m not sure I can go back there—figuratively and literally.”
    Michael’s eyes widened. “What? But that’s your life. It’s what you do. What you love…”
    Steven shifted from foot to foot. “I, uh… I haven’t been in a plane for weeks. I…um… I got shot down.”
    “Oh, fuck…”
    Alarm shoe-horned its way inside Michael, sending his legs wobbly, his stomach knotting. This was something he’d always dreaded, but so far Steven had been so lucky, managing to get out of every scrape, to always be on the fringes of danger, never right in it. He joked that Steven had an angel watching over him.
    “Why didn’t you…?” Michael snapped his mouth closed. Who the fuck was he to demand an answer to his so far unasked question? Why didn’t you write me and tell me?
    This wasn’t about him and his feelings. Steven obviously had his reasons for keeping this to himself.
    “I didn’t want you worrying.” Steven shrugged. “And the more time that passed, the more I couldn’t write. I wanted to blurt it all out—seriously, I did—but with you here and me over there… I knew you’d go nuts thinking about ‘what if?’ I was doing enough thinking about that for the both of us. No sense in you doing it too.” He shrugged again. “But I’m back now—for a couple of months—then I have to go in so they can assess me. I sorta went a bit stir crazy in the hospital. The plane going down… It was rough on me. I didn’t think… I mean, I thought I was mentally able to cope with that shit. Seems I wasn’t. That I’m not.”
    Steven not being in the Air Force? Unheard of. Not an option. That career was his everything. Steven was in the military for the pair of them, doing things Michael didn’t have the courage to do. It was all Steven wanted—right?
    Michael handed Steven a coffee. He busied himself setting his own to pour. Parked his ass against the counter too, and side by side, they stared at the opposite wall. The fridge gurgled then whirred. Something tinkled in the living room from a breeze that wafted through into the kitchen. The air seemed to pulse with unsaid words, with Steven’s memories and Michael’s need to fix everything so that Steven didn’t feel so shitty. And it was obvious he felt that way.
    “Did they offer you counseling?” Michael asked.
    “Yeah. I had some while in hospital. Made me feel a bit better. Got a lot of my feelings dealt with. I have to see the shrink in town while I’m on leave too.” Steven sipped, closing his eyes, as though the coffee was the best he’d tasted. “It was such a damn scary thing to happen.” He snapped his eyes open. “I keep seeing it in my head. Feeling how I felt when—”
    “Go on?”
    Steven set his cup on the counter. He sighed, the exhalation heavy and long. Words tumbled out of his mouth, which explained his experience in detail. Then, “On the roof, I thought I was going to die there. Of the heat, thirst or starvation. I was in the middle of nowhere, unsure whether I’d be saved—or killed by someone in the building. There are some pretty stark things that go through your mind, but the main one was whether I’d get to see you again.” He laughed quietly. “You’d think I’d be more scared about dying, right? Of the pain in my leg and wrist. But no, I wanted to see you. Be with you. I got scared in case that wouldn’t happen.” He picked at a hangnail. “So when I got off the bus and saw you in the café—you can see why I didn’t want to go to Mom’s straight away. And I had to let you know how I felt about you.” He turned to Michael. “Life really is too short, man. I promised myself in hospital that no matter what, I’d let you know and if you didn’t want anything to do with me afterward, well, at least I’d tried.”
    Michael couldn’t just stand there any longer. He grabbed Steven in a hug, holding him tight, burying