Little Tim, Big Tim Read Online Free Page A

anger, the better off we are when it comes to survival. Ironically, the less we fight back and the more we accept death as an escape, the less amount of damage we suffer. This strategy works for some time.
    On our seventh birthday Little Tim refrains from recognising our birthday again, for on his fifth he was raped by a stranger and prefers not to be involved in birthdays; so inadvertently he remains five years old. At this period Troy also stops growing.
    This doesn’t mean that they aren’t with me from time to time. They are, it’s just that from this recognisable point, they don’t age. They gather snippets of memory, but never long strains. I collect most of the memories of the sexual or brutal attacks. It’s a lonely period.
    Our brother Stewart gets very sick and ends up in hospital with Hepatitis B. This eventually also presents another condition. He now suffers epileptic fits. This curse is a blessing, for now he isn’t taken for the horror drives to strange men’s houses. At the first indication that an attack is looming, the fear sends him into a seizure. His mind has found a way for his body to escape the nightmare.
    The family is organising to move up into the Blue Mountains where it’s really cold. I hate the cold. However, at these times all family members are around each other to pack for the new destination. Troy, Little Tim and I try hard to have fun with our brothers and sisters. These strained relationships are difficult to maintain for as soon as we feel that we are bonding, the experience is destroyed by an inevitable forced isolation.

THE BREADMAN
     
LITTLE TIM
     
    Peter and I are sometimes left unattended. In a large family of seven it’s unusual, but when this happens we are grateful to be by ourselves. We sleep in the same room as our brothers, but when daylight arrives we are kept apart, separated or taking our turn in the cupboard. It is useless being angry about our confinement because that just increases the duration and the pain to be suffered. The decision not to get angry leaves Peter and I in greater control of our world.
    Dad refrains from raping us for some time, maybe months, however the brutal floggings and bashings don’t cease. Simple misdemeanours create a rage that will frighten the dead into being dead again. The physical abuse is at night after Dad gets home from work. He will walk in the door and be informed by our Mum what we have done wrong.
    ‘Wait ’til your father gets home,’ is her chant of terror, which always results with Peter (the pain holder) doing his job.
    Dad’s job is the Bread man. He delivers bread door to door, and at times I’m kept home from school. These days I call ‘the damned days’. The rapes start again. Dad visits people that he delivers bread to on his round. It’s always organised and prior to slipping into the space of many colours, I am surprised that strangers will ask about my brothers by name and how and when they can see them again. My confusion and terror when hearing these strangers talking about my brothers suddenly whips me into the space of many colours.
     
PETER
     
    The man is small with stumpy fingers; he has a round face with a balding head and black-rimmed glasses. His windpipe is extra large in proportion to his neck. Little Tim has gone again; I feel alone and ask Troy to be with me during this nightmare in the middle of the day.
    ‘Look at that neck, I wonder if I ran up his body and smash, smash, smash, smash it?’
    Troy’s words resonate in my head. I feel comfort and hold my head up high as I’m led away to face and endure the fate that my Dad has decided for us. The attack is short and Dad comes in as I am gathering my clothes.
    ‘Hurry up son and meet us in the kitchen. ’
    ‘I’ll hurry you up Dad with the kitchen knife, ’ Troy has suddenly joined me.
    Little Tim is looking for our shoes and is getting quite frustrated. I tell him to stop looking as he is bent down and looking under the bed—in