Letters from the Inside Read Online Free Page A

knives. Those things alone wouldn’t worry me, although I’d think anyone was a bit of a nerd if they were the biggest thrills in his life. But it’s more than that. When Steve gets mad — and you never know what’s likely to make him mad, it can be any little thing — the only way he ever reacts is violently. It’s like, he doesn’t know any other way. And he goes cold — his eyes go dead, you can’t talk to him, his face goes blank and his voice is like a robot. I don’t know whether he does it to look and sound tough, or whether it’s a part of him that he can’t control, but whichever it is, I know its effect on me, and that’s bad.
    He’s beaten me up sometimes. Not like I’ve got any black eyes or broken bones, but he’s hurt me. He’s bent my fingers back, bent my arm back, kneed me, kicked me in the crutch, all kinds of stuff. And it’s always when no-one’s around. He’s smart like that. I get so scared when I know the two of us are going to be home alone. That’s one reason I hated it when Katrina left.
    And when I’ve tried to talk to my parents they brush it off. It’s like they don’t want to face it. When I complain (and it’s dangerous to complain when Steve’s around) they tell me not to provoke him, just to ignore it, that I must be exaggerating, or that he’s ‘going through a stage’, or they say ‘Well that’s what boys are like.’ I think the guy’s got a problem, but how do I convince Mum and Dad?
    Katrina doesn’t think he’s that bad, ’cos she was bigger and stronger than him when they were growing up, and he’s always been scared of her. And I don’t like to talk to my friends about it, although they do think he’s weird. For that matter, no-one likes him much — he’s got no real friends, just a couple of other losers who are into the same kind of Rambo stuff. But they’re not as bad as him. What I can’t work out is how Mum and Dad keep ignoring his reports from school, because the school’s complained about him a few times, and he got suspended last year for bullying. All his reports say he’s got a terrible temper and he has to learn to control it. But he hasn’t learnt, and I don’t think he will.
    You know, I read about those guys who do things like the Richmond Park killings, and the Harvey House Massacre, and I wonder if that’s how my own brother will end up. That’s not too good, is it?
    Well, this must be the longest letter I’ve ever written. Hope you’re awake. Sorry it’s been so depressing. But now you know why I think you’re lucky. Don’t throw away what you’ve got, Trace, ’cos it’s worth a rainforest, having a family like yours.
    I’m going to crawl off to bed. It’s after midnight — I’m too tired even to slash my wrists — I’ll have to do it tomorrow.
    See you — lots of love,
            Mandy

    Apr 15
    Dear Mandy,
    Well, yesterday was the big one, and we lost. Bloody hell, I hate losing. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. We played Chieftains again and they thrashed us, 60-36. But it was a bloody rough game. They got away with everything under the sun. See, the refs in our comp, they hate our guts, so we’re always playing against seven people. I got fouled off three minutes into the second half, and I reckon one of the fouls was fair enough — all the others were total rip-offs. I’m still steaming. I mean, I’m bloody bruises from head to foot but I’m the one who got fouled. It sucks, it absolutely sucks.
    Chieftains were so up themselves after the game. I’d rather any team in the comp but them won it. They were so psyched-up from the semi, it was like playing a football team.
    We had a party afterwards but it was a dumb party. Now I’m watching Video Super Hits. I hate that Wave song, ‘Lovers and Strangers’, don’t you? I’ve seen it a million times.
    You asked about the holidays, but we’re not doing anything. Dad says we’ve had too many trips lately and we should stay at home and have a