Journey Read Online Free Page A

insist that there’s not.  Would I like there to be more between us?  I don’t know...maybe.  But, you can’t conjure things that don’t actually exist.  I don’t know a whole lot about him, including his last name or where exactly he’s from.  I just know that he grew up in New England and traveled a lot.  I don’t think I even know enough to look him up on Facebook if I tried.  I’ve never attempted it because I’ve told myself it would be stalkerish since we don’t have a relationship beyond vacation.  Still, I look forward to the rest of this trip and my time with him every year.  He seems to become more endearing to me as I spend greater amounts of time with him.
    Grinning wildly as thoughts of Jack and his sweet nature consume my mind, out of the corner of my eye, I catch Lexie staring at me with pursed lips and knowing eyes.  I sigh and roll my eyes.  
    “Why do you continue to insist that there’s nothing there but a casual, sex-fueled relationship?”
    I bite my lip in thought, staring at the sky.  “I don’t know, Lex.  Well, I do know.  I’m a smart girl. I know there’s something there that I can’t quite put into words, but realistically, we have two separate lives.”
    “But he might be willing to merge those lives.”
    “I don’t know.  I’m afraid if I ask for more from him, it will ruin what we do have.  How can I ask him to pack up and leave whatever it is he does so he can be with me while I go to medical school?”
    “So, you’re at least acknowledging that there’s more than just platonic lust between the two of you?”
    I answer begrudgingly, “Yes.”
    I think about the topic to myself.  Yes, I acknowledge I feel something for Jack, but they’re feelings that I think would either wind up to be fleeting or would require too much of the other in order to fully acknowledge.  I really don’t know…  I know that I’m scared of ruining our bond, and honestly, I have my entire life ahead of me.  And, I don’t know that I’m ready to settle down.  I have so much to do and many goals left to meet.  So instead thinking too deeply on the subject, I continue to live in my happy bubble of denial.
    “It sounds like you have a real poopsicle on your hands.”
    “Poopsicle?”
    “Yeah…  You’re in a crappy situation.”
    “I see.  It’s nothing I can’t handle.”  Changing the subject, I ask, “What’s your local friend’s name?”
    Lexie continues her glare for a moment, then shakes her head and answers, “Alberto, but he goes by Tony, which is short for Antonio.”
    “You learned an awful lot about him in such a short time.”
    “Unlike you, I ask lots of questions and get as much information as I can up front.  For example, I know that he has two sisters and one brother.  He’s from a little further inland and happened to be this way because he was meeting a friend.  Also, he’s in engineering school.”
    “How long were you with him?”
    “Ten minutes.  Like I said, I ask lots of questions.  You’ve spent a great deal of time with Jack and know, what?  His first name, his degree, and that he has parents?”
    “Pretty much.  I ask questions.  He just doesn’t fully answer them…”
    “Why do you think that is?”
    “I don’t know, Lex.  I don’t really dwell on it much, okay?”
    “Why do you think that is?”
    “Oh my damn…  You earn a degree in psychology and now you think you’re freaking Doctor Phil.”
    “Actually, Doctor Phil doesn’t have a doctorate in psychology; he has one in biology or something.  But how’s that avoidance working for you?”
    “Just shut up, ho-bag,” I say with a smile.
    Lexie knows I don’t really think she’s a ho-bag.  We tend to use terms typically considered to be derogatory as ones of endearment to one another.  I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because we’re trying to take away some of the stigma and sting of the terms.  Okay, that’s totally a lie- we just think terms