If I Should Die Before I Wake Read Online Free Page B

you not wait?"
    I looked toward the window by the piano. The curtains were closed, but I had peered out earlier and knew what the weather was like.
    "It is too cold and gray outside. Even when the rabbi comes, I do not think I will want to go out."
    "It is not the cold you are afraid of, it is the Germans." Anya turned to Mama. "Will the Germans come to get us when we go outside, like Jakub said?"
    "Hush, Anya!" Mama said. "No more talk of the Germans. Your brother has filled your head with too many horror stories."
    "But Tata—his story is true. What Chana said was true. They shot Tata, hanging from the tree."
    "Hush, Anya," Mama whispered.
    Zayde looked up from his lap. "Jakub is wrong, Anya. His mind is so full of killings and burnings, it has got him running this way and that, and he goes nowhere. He should be here with his family. It is a disgrace to us all and to your father that he is not here sitting
shiva.
"
    I watched as Zayde's face grew redder and redder, his head again bent low over his lap. He was like my father that way. We always knew how angry Tata was by the shades of red his face turned. Looking at Zayde now, I knew he was very angry indeed. I tried to change the subject, but before I could get two words out, my brother walked through the door.
    "Bad news," Jakub said as he hung his hat and coat up on the rack by the door. He turned to face Zayde, the now familiar challenge in his eyes.
    "We must pack our things, only what we need most, and be ready by six o'clock tonight."
    Zayde stood up and stretched. "This nonsense again, Jakub. And where is it now we are going?"
    "Nonsense, is it? Only four blocks down, the houses are empty. Not a person is left. The Germans have taken them!"
    Zayde's eyes darted about the room. Mama stood up and collected Nadzia up off the floor and held her close to her face.
    "God, grant that they come here in time," she whispered as she began rocking the baby in her arms.
    "Who, Mama? The Germans?" Anya asked, alarm sounding in her voice.
    I grabbed Anya's arm. "No, silly, the people who are coming to take Nadzia away. They are coming today, remember?"
    Anya jumped up off the floor and threw her arms around Mama's legs. "Why are they only taking Nadzia? Do I not need protection from the Germans, too?"
    Mama patted Anya's head. "Of course you do, and I will protect you. When Nadzia is gone Mama paused and closed her eyes. "When Nadzia is gone, I will be able to pay extra attention to you and make sure nothing and no one ever hurts you."
    "You promise, Mama? Truly, truly promise?"
    "Of course I do."
    Anya buried her head in Mama's dress and began sobbing. "Oh, Mama, poor Tata. Poor, poor Tata. How could it be he is not with us?"
    Bubbe, who had been silent and still through most of these seven days, called Anya to her.
    She held both of Anya's hands in hers and spoke in a firm, knowing voice. "He
is
with us, Anya, as God is with us."
    Anya stepped back from Bubbe. "Then he is
not
with us, because God is not with us. He would not let this happen. He would not take Tata right when we need him most."
    "Anya, please! Is anyone going to listen to me?" Jakub looked around the room at each of us. He was only fifteen years old and yet the weight of the world seemed to bear down on his shoulders so hard I thought it would surely crush him. His eyes, once the color of the black mud his shoes carried in each day, had a gray cast to them now. It was as though the cold gray clouds outside had settled there for good, no longer allowing him to see the sun.
    I wanted to cry for him, or for Tata, or maybe just for myself. I felt as Anya did; God was not there with us. Tata was gone, completely gone, as though he had never existed. Bubbe had said that our memories of him would keep him near, but we had no time for memories.
    Â 
    Although we kept within our home, there had been little solitude; Jakub had seen to that. On the very day of Father's burial, during the
seudat havra'ah,
the meal that is