How to Outswim a Shark Without a Snorkel Read Online Free Page A

and Dad only let us stay up a little later, but instead of turning off the lights and threatening to ground us like they do during the school year when they catch us up, now they sigh and shake their heads and say we’ll be sorry in the morning. Yeah, right!
    5. Never ever having to see the Sneerers, especially their ringleader, Ashley, who devotes her entire existence at school to ruining my life. Okay, probably not her entire existence. But if her existence were a root beer float (another awesome summer drink), the root beer would be how much time she spends on preening, the ice cream would be how much time she spends wandering the mall with her minions, Rayna and Brooke, and the fluffy foam on top would be how much time she spends trying to mess with me. So. Extra nice to not have to worry about her for two precious months. If I could handle Sneerers, I could definitely handle sharks, right?

Chapter 3
    The scarlet skunk cleaner shrimp cleans other fish of dead skin and parasites. Some fish even let it clean the inside of their mouths without harming it.
    â€”Animal Wisdom
    Blech! GAG ME.
    â€œTurn around! I can’t see your butt!”
    â€œI don’t like it!” I ducked away from my computer screen with my hands over my backside. “The fabric sticks out funny, and it makes my butt look big!”
    â€œYou don’t have a butt, so how is that even possible?!” Liv glared into the webcam and spun her finger in the air. Her voice sounded tinny and faraway, but her eyes were bright. “ Turn around! ”
    CREATURE FILE
    SPECIES NAME: Liviola Hobbitonius
    KINGDOM: Far, far away from me, living with the hobbits in New Zealand.
    PHYLUM: Supersmart Girls Who Are Also Lucky Enough To Have Hair That Always Looks Good; Best Friends Who Moved Away
    WEIGHT: Considering how much junk food she eats, I’m pretty sure she’s 80 percent sugar.
    NATURAL HABITAT: Hard to tell now, seeing how I haven’t seen her in person for months .
    FEEDS ON: Our video chats, musical theater (especially anything with singing boys in old-timey costumes), and as much red licorice as she can get her hands on.
    LIFE SPAN: She’s technically in another time zone eighteen hours ahead of me right now. Does that mean she’s living in the future ?!
    HANDLING TECHNIQUE: Best friend since first grade, when I dropped my toast on her (grape jelly side down, no less). No special techniques needed.
    Even though she’d been living in New Zealand for the past couple of months, that didn’t stop Liv from helping me with my wardrobe choices. Before she moved, Liv and I used to spend hours on the phone and at each other’s houses. We even talked to each other on the phone at the same time as we’d chat online. But now it cost an arm and a leg (so said Mom) to call her, so Liv and I had been using the computer to video chat.
    It worked okay most of the time, except for the time when Daz heard us and gave me fake moose antlers from behind my back, which Liv thought was hilarious, but honestly brothers are the worst.
    â€œArggh , fine ,” I said. “Happy?” I backed away from the screen and spun quickly, slamming my arms against my sides. “See? Funny butt.”
    Liv’s eyes widened, and her lip curled up in false disgust. “You weirdo. You look fantastic! It doesn’t make your butt stick out. It makes you look like you have one! It’s a miracle! It stays in the keeper pile.”
    I slumped down into my chair and tugged the fabric lower against my knees. I still wasn’t used to all of this. When I decided I couldn’t spend my whole life squirreled away trying to pretend I was anonymous, I knew I’d have to make some changes.
    So far, tackling the “image” part of being my true self wasn’t very helpful. Really, I needed a new wardrobe. But since I didn’t have any money, I was getting rid of all the clothes that made me look like a