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they’re all good—”
    â€œI want the one with toxic waste,” Leroy said clearly. “It’s okay. I told Daddy, and he told Santa, and Santa said he’d bring one. And Nanny Babs said Santa never lies.”
    I’m going to kill that fucking son of a bitch. And then I’m going to kill that fucking nanny. Assuming they ever come back from Cancún. “Well, we’ll just have to see, won’t we? Now you go to bed—”
    â€œI know, and when I wake up, Daddy will be on vacation, but he loves me, and Santa will be here with my ’Guffin.” He breathed heavily into the phone for a moment and then said, “Brandon said there isn’t any Santa Claus.”
    Rot in hell, Evil Nemesis Brandon. “What do you think?”
    â€œI think there is,” Leroy said, not sounding too sure. “And I think he’s going to bring me a ’Guffin tomorrow.”
    â€œRight,” Trudy said, holding on to the box tighter.
    â€œWith toxic waste,” Leroy said.
    Oh, just hell. “Merry Christmas Eve, baby. Go to bed.”
    â€œAunt Trudy?”
    â€œFive hundred,” the woman in front of her said. “And that’s my final offer.”
    â€œFor the love of God, no, ” Trudy said to her, and then said, “Yes, Leroy?”
    â€œDo you believe in Santa?”
    What is this, a movie of the week? “Well…”
    â€œMommy says Evil Nemesis Brandon is wrong.”
    â€œDon’t call him that, sweetie.”
    â€œIs he wrong?” Leroy’s voice slowed. “It’s okay if there isn’t a Santa.” His voice said it wasn’t okay.
    Nolan nudged her gently and she realized the line had moved again. “Well, Leroy, I don’t really know if there’s a Santa. I’ve never seen him.”
    â€œOh.”
    Trudy swallowed. “But that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. I’ve never seen SpongeBob, either.”
    â€œSpongeBob?” Nolan said from behind her.
    â€œSpongeBob is real. He’s on TV.” Leroy sounded relieved. “So is Santa.”
    â€œWell, there you go,” Trudy said, feeling like a rat.
    â€œThat’s the best you’ve got, SpongeBob?” Nolan said.
    Trudy turned and snarled, “He loves SpongeBob. Shut up.”
    â€œI know there’s a SpongeBob,” Leroy said, happy again.
    â€œAs do we all,” Trudy said.
    The woman in front of her let her breath out between her teeth, clearly frustrated. “It’s the old MacGuffin; it’s not worth more than three hundred.”
    â€œI’m sure you’re right,” Trudy said to her. “Leroy? Honey, it’s time for you to go to bed.”
    â€œAnd when I wake up, I’ll get a ’Guffin,” Leroy said. “Good night, Aunt Trudy.”
    â€œGood night, baby,” Trudy said, and the phone clunked again as he dropped it.
    â€œYour nephew’s name is Leroy?” Nolan said.
    â€œIt’s a nickname,” Trudy said, not turning around. “His real name is Prescott Thurston Brown II.”
    â€œOh.” He paused. “Good call getting a nickname.”
    She heard the phone clunk again as Courtney picked it up.
    â€œThat little bastard Brandon,” Courtney said.
    â€œI think I prefer ‘Evil Nemesis,’” Trudy said. “He’s just a kid, Courtney.”
    â€œHis mother is a hag,” Courtney said. “After she offered Leroy a hand-me-down MacGuffin, she asked me if I’d found another nanny.”
    â€œBitch,” Trudy said, and then smiled when the woman in front of her finally turned away, offended.
    â€œHe’s counting on that toxic waste.” Courtney’s voice was still teary, but now she sounded a little slack.
    â€œCourt? You haven’t been hitting the eggnog, have you?”
    â€œNo, the gin. I’m a terrible mother, Tru.”
    â€œNo, you’re not.” Trudy shifted