Heller's Regret Read Online Free Page B

controlling grandmother. None
had been sent by their work supervisor, which just made me angrier
with Clive. He could have just saved me all this pain by ordering
me a bigger uniform.
    Jill confessed ashamedly that her son had
sent her. “Actually it was my daughter-in-law, if I’m honest,”
she’d told us. “We’ve never got on together and I’ve been forced to
live with them for the last twelve months. I don’t know which has
been worst – this place or my year living with her. They’re both
hellholes.”
    We’d grown close as a group over the past
fortnight. We’d been kept completely segregated from Bunker Two. It
was only later that I learned there was a second ‘field’ behind the
bunkers. Also located there was another amenity block.
    So this cold morning, when Assistant One
tried to goad me in front of everyone, was the first time we’d
joined together. I didn’t know if I was heartened or depressed that
Group B looked as ragged, weary and hungry as we did.
    It had been exceedingly unwise of G-F-H to
speak and even more so for me to respond. I should have ignored
her. But now we’d attracted Assistant One’s attention. I didn’t
know if Assistant Two was as sadistic as our little daffodil of
joy, but it didn’t seem earthly possible.
    “Going to be like that, are you, Chunky? You
two ladies, who like to chat when the rest of us are here to
exercise, can stay here. The rest of you can give me twenty
laps.”
    Great , I thought. Now the other bunker
was going to hate me.
    While the others trotted off obediently, no
matter how unwillingly, under the supervision of Assistant Two, we
stood as still as we could.
    “I’m getting a bit tired of you, Chunky. That
spirit of yours should have been crushed like a bug in my hand by
now.” She demonstrated by viciously closing her fingers into a
fist. She paced back and forth. “I’m going to have to move up to
the next level with you.” She eyed off G-F-H. “And you too. From
what Assistant Two tells me, you’re the Chunky of Bunker Two.” She
turned her back on us and strode off, stopping only to look over
her shoulder. “You’re both on half-rations from now on.”
    No! I howled to myself, wanting to
punch something. I was so hungry. The previous night, I’d
found myself gnawing on my pillow just to see what it tasted like –
an utterly humiliating moment in my life that I wouldn’t soon
forget.
    When she was out of earshot, satisfied in our
craven servility, I tried the ventriloquist trick again in an even
lower voice, no longer caring about anything. “I’ve had enough of
this shithole. I’m busting out.”
    “I’ll join you. Hands down, this has been the
worst fortnight in my life,” whispered G-F-H.
    Assistant One consulted with Assistant Two
before returning to us, so we had no chance to discuss that
enticing idea any further. I wasn’t sure if G-F-H was serious or
not, but I was. I was escaping from here and taking as many women
with me as possible. If I could manage to get my brain thinking
about anything but food, I’d try to formulate a plan tonight.
    “Good news, ladies. I just didn’t feel as if
half-rations was enough to stop me being so angry, so Assistant Two
and I agreed that you’ll also each be responsible for cleaning your
respective bathrooms after dinner. Good times ahead for both of you
tonight.”
    After a hard day of physical torture and
minimum amounts of food, I waited until the others finished in the
bathroom so I could start cleaning it. I sat on the floor while I
waited, too tired to keep standing.
    “Tilly,” said Ariadne. “I’m worried about
you. You’re looking very thin.”
    “I lose weight fast. And stack it on fast,” I
murmured, now lying on the cement floor in a curled up position,
eyes shut. I could have gone to sleep at that moment. The others
sympathetically stepped over and around me.
    Ariadne crouched down next to me and looked
around furtively before pulling a scrap of stale bread