Haunting Rachel Read Online Free Page B

didn’t
move
to New York, you
bolted
there. Virtually cut yourself off from everybody back here, including your parents and me. Put your emotions in a deep freeze—all of them, as far as I can see. And though you haven’t brought up the subject, I’m willing to bet you haven’t dated at all.”
    “I have dated,” Rachel objected.
    Unmoved, Mercy said, “Then you haven’t gone out more than once or twice with the same guy. True?”
    Instead of trying to deny that shrewd guess, Rachel said, “The fashion business is demanding and competitive, Mercy—I’ve been trying to build a career. That hasn’t left me much time for a personal life.”
    “Which is just the way you wanted it.”
    “And I don’t see anything wrong with that.”
    “I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it.” Mercy’s voice was patient. “The problem is that you never came to terms with what you left behind.”
    Rachel wanted to dispute that but couldn’t. “So?”
    “So maybe it’s time you did that. Maybe it’s past time. Rachel, Thomas wouldn’t have wanted you to bury your heart with him. And I think we both know you aren’t the kind of woman who’ll be happy to spend the rest of your life alone—in New York or here.” Mercy smiled slightly. “Maybe your doubts about selling out and moving away for good are trying to tell you something. Maybe you need to face the past before you can decide whether to abandon it.”
    “Maybe.” Although, Rachel could have added, not feeling very much had its benefits.
    Mercy hesitated, then said, “You changed so much after Thomas was killed. Part of you died—or else got buried so deeply under grief that you lost it. Your laughter and enthusiasm. Your spirit. What Thomas loved most in you.”
    Shaken, Rachel murmured, “I just grew up, Mercy, that’s all. I stopped being a child.”
    “You stopped being the Rachel we all knew and loved.”
    Rachel was silent.
    In a gentler tone, Mercy said, “It’s the first time you’ve been home long enough for us to really talk, so forgive me if I blurt out what I’ve been thinking all these years. But it’s true, Rache. When you smile, there’s just a shadow of what you used to be. Even your voice is quieter. And though you’ve always moved as if you had all the time in the world, there’s a stillness in you that wasn’t there ten years ago.”
    “I can’t help how I’ve changed,” Rachel said, uncomfortable under this dissection of her character.
    “You can start living again. Let yourself feel again.” “I feel.”
    “Do you?” Mercy got to her feet, then added deliberately, “You haven’t let yourself grieve for your parents any more than you let yourself grieve for Thomas. But sooner or later you’ll have to. And if it all hits you at once … it’ll be like a mountain falling on you.”
    It was an image that stayed in Rachel’s mind throughout the afternoon, while she went over furniture lists with Darby and found other chores to keep herself occupied. She knew that she had indeed run away ten years ago, run away from pain and loss, and she knew she had not allowed herself to grieve as she should have. And when her parents had been killed, the same urge to flee had sent her running back to New York immediately after the funeral, where work had beckoned and there was no time to think. Or feel.
    But now she was home. Surrounded by memories, and by people who would not let her keep running away from them. Feelings she didn’t want were lurking too close now, just around the next corner, and it was a corner she knew she would have to turn. This time. That was probably why she felt so on edge, so restless.
    And why she had twice seen the image of Thomas— nearby but out of reach.
    The offices of Duncan and Ross Investments, Ltd., occupying a single building on a tree-lined side street near downtown Richmond, were elegant and rather formal, as financial institutions tended to be. Strictly speaking, this place was not a