Genie Knows Best Read Online Free Page A

her.” He nodded her way and the sword swung on his hip.
    “Her… I mean, me?” Samantha squeaked. She stuck her hand behind her back and furiously pinched herself. Wake up wake up wake up! “What do I have to do with anything?”
    “Oh lots,” said the fennec, bouncing around. The guy could use some Xanax. “You’re going to—mmmrph!”
    Kal scooped up the fox and tapped his snout. “Enough, Dirham. Don’t forget your job.”
    Job? The fox had a job?
    Well, sure. Why not? Why not a feather boa, too?
    That’d be because the boa idea had been claimed by the pair of sparkling white unicorns—literally sparkling and literally unicorns, horn and all—strolling down the sidewalk.
    “I’ll take that aspirin now, if you don’t mind.” Samantha held out her hand to Kal, then tossed the pills into her mouth sans water. Wine. Whatever.
    Gulping them down, she grimaced at the chalky residue they left on her tongue. “Wish I had chocolate instead,” she muttered.
    And, voilà! A chocolate bar hovered before her eyes.
    This time she sat without an invitation. “How… How is this happening?”
    The gnome and the army of munchkins chuckled. Even Cousin Itt and his cousins cracked smiles beneath their hair, the upward curve of yellow teeth behind the dreads making them look like Rastafarian jack-o’-lanterns.
    Dirham squirmed in the genie’s arms. Nicely muscled forearms that had been around her not five minutes ago—
    “It’s because Kal’s your genie and he’s here to do whatever you want.”
    Now that had some interesting possibilities…
    Samantha shook her head. Apparently, betraying, soon-to-be-ex-boyfriends and strange dreams sent one’s libido into overdrive. And let us not forget that out-of-this-world kiss. That definitely had gotten her libido going. Albert had never kissed her like that.
    She didn’t think Albert could kiss like that.
    She touched her lips again. She’d liked it. A lot. If she needed any further proof that Albert wasn’t the man for her—recent double-crossing, manipulative, lying, sack-of-shit status notwithstanding—the fact that his kisses had never left the kind of impression that one from a guy whose last name she didn’t even know, ought to do it.
    And then a gnome took off his hat and another gnome—an exact replica of the one who’d been wearing the hat, only smaller—popped out of it like one of a set of Russian dolls, and Samantha relegated everything to insanity, regardless of how wonderfully the guy could kiss. This place was just too much. Too surreal. Too unbelievable. She had to be dreaming.
    Samantha pinched herself again, hard enough to leave a bruise, but… nope. She was still here. Still seeing things that shouldn’t exist but somehow did.
    Including the centaur who walked—cantered? trotted?—over to Kal. “Aw, man, Kal. I’m sorry, dude. I thought you’d be done by now.”
    Samantha was done, wholeheartedly, with whatever was happening here.
    “Alad—Kal?” Samantha cleared her throat and stood. Not that her five-three gave her any advantage over him—over the munchkins, yes—but she was feeling at such a disadvantage that, if she could feel like the Jolly Green Giant around some gnomes, well then, she was going to take that advantage.
    “Yes, Samantha?” All eyes, including Kal’s warm, dark, melted-chocolate ones, turned her way.
    There had to be some rational explanation for all of this. There had to be. Genies and lanterns and magic and gnomes just didn’t exist.
    “Um…” She shook the curls off her face and tried not to look at anyone but Kal. “Please tell me David put you up to this.”
    “David?”
    She licked her lips, grasping at the straws lying haphazardly around her sanity. “Yes, David. Hughes. The owner of The Main Event.” She’d recently sent David a slew of referrals for the event company she used for all her functions. He’d done an awesome job in converting the estate grounds into something out of Lawrence of