First and Last Read Online Free Page B

else I was going to say.
    “I know, Blake. I’m so sorry.” Her hand runs all over my back in a soothing motion.
    “I can’t believe it. It wasn’t supposed to be this way!” My voice gets louder as I become more hysterical.
    “It’s going to be okay. You’ll get through this,” she says, her own voice cracking.
    I don’t respond, I can’t. Because I don’t believe her. How can it be okay when my life will never be the same?

    The next few days go by in a blur. I’m not sure how I get from point A to point B. All I know is that Mia has been by my side the whole way. She’s been my rock and the person I turn to. I don’t want to burden Mom with my sadness, she’s barely hanging on herself.
    I’ve been dreading this day since Mom picked me up from school. It’s the day we bury my dad. The day that makes this all very real. The day that hammers home the point that I’ll never see my dad again.
    Standing in front of my mirror, I button up my white dress shirt. My brown hair lays flat and my green eyes are dull with dark circles under them. I look pale and just . . . sad. A knock on my door pulls me away from my reflection.
    “Whatcha doing?” Mia asks as she pokes her head in before walking through the door.
    I sigh. “Trying to get dressed.” She sits on the bed and watches me. After my shirt is tucked into my black pants, I grab my tie off the back of my chair. My fingers fumble around with it and I can’t for the life of my get it right. After my third attempt, I ball it up and throw it across the room. “I don’t need a damn tie,” I mutter.
    “Here, let me help.” She grabs my shoulders and turns me toward her with my tie in her hand. I stare at her as she fixes it. Her eyes are focused on the task, with furrowed eyebrows and her lips pressed together in a tight line. “There,” she says as she smooths it out, seeming pleased with her work.
    I look in the mirror and it’s perfect. “My dad always did them for me,” I tell her, my throat clogged with emotion.
    “Well, I might not be able to do everything he did, but I’ve got you covered if you ever need your ties done, okay?” She gives me a sad smile, her own eyes filling with tears too. This must be hard on her as well. With as much time as she spends over here, she’s become a part of our family. Almost like an adopted child. Dad adored her.
    I complete the task of getting ready in a blur, letting Mia help me through it. It’s nice having her here because I don’t have to focus on anything. She gets it and does everything without me having to ask. Once we get to the cemetery, I don’t pay much attention to what’s being said. We’re sitting in the front row with Mom between Luke and me. Mia sits on my other side with her head resting on my shoulder and both arms wrapped around my bicep.
    My dad’s jacket and ax sit propped up on a stand next to his closed casket that waits to be lowered into his final resting place. As I stare at his jacket, I remember a conversation I had with him last year.
    “How much longer until you retire, Dad?” I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Dad loves what he does, but I can’t wait for the day when he can relax at home. No one in the house says anything, but there’s always this low level of worry whenever he’s at work. We’re all very aware of the dangers of his job and know there’s always the chance that he doesn’t make it out of the building alive. And with the recent death of one of his guys, that fear stands out in my mind over the last week or so.
    “You think your old man can’t hang anymore?” He looks at me from the corner of his eye, a small smile on his mouth.
    “No, it’s not that, I just worry, that’s all. And with Rick . . .” I don’t need to say anything else. He understands where I’m going with this.
    “Well, there are no guarantees in this line of work. That’s why I always stress to the guys that you can’t become relaxed. No two fires are the