se, but a regimen I could stick to long-term. In truth, I needed an entirely new
lifestyle
.
Without any real study, thought, or responsible inquiry, I decided the first step would be to try a vegetarian diet, with a commitment to working out three days a week. Cut out the meat, the fish, and the eggs. It seemed challenging yet still reasonable, and more important,
doable
. Remembering the lessons Iâd learned in becoming sober, I decided not to dwell on the idea of ânever having a cheeseburger [or drink] ever againâ and just focus on taking it day by day. To show her support, Julie even bought me a bike for my birthday and encouraged me to exercise. And I held up my end of the bargain, opting for burritos without the carnitas, veggie burgers instead of beef, and casual Saturday morning bike rides with friends in place of cheese omelet brunches.
But it was not long before my spirits began to plummet. Despite jumping back into the pool and the occasional jog or bike ride, the extra weight simply wasnât coming off, and I was steady at 205 poundsâa far cry from my 160-pound college swimming weight. But even more disconcerting was the fact that my energy levels soon declined to my pre-cleanse state of lethargy. I was happy that Iâd returned to exercising again and had reminded myself ofmy long-lost love of the water and outdoors. But the truth was that after six months on this vegetarian diet, I didnât feel much better than I had that night on the staircase. Still forty pounds overweight, I was despondent and ready to abandon the vegetarian plan altogether.
What I failed to realize at the time was just how
poorly
one can eat on a vegetarian diet. Iâd convinced myself that I was healthy, but when I paused to reflect on what exactly I was eating, I realized that my diet was dominated by a high-cholesterol, artery-clogging lineup of processed foods, high-fructose corn syrup, and fatty dairy productsâstuff like cheese pizza, nachos, soda, fries, potato chips, grilled cheese sandwiches, and a wide array of salty snack foods. Technically, I was âvegetarian.â But healthy? Not even close. Without any true understanding of nutrition, even I knew this wasnât a good plan. Time to reevaluate once again. On my own this time, I made the radical decision to entirely remove not just meat but all animal products from my dietâdairy included.
I opted to go entirely vegan
.
Despite Julieâs vigilant commitment to healthy living, even
she
wasnât vegan. So at least within the Roll household I was entering uncharted waters. I just remember feeling the need to up the ante, or throw in the towel altogether. In fact, I specifically recollect thinking that Iâd give this vegan thing a whirl, fully believing that it
wouldnât work
, thereby paving a return to eating my beloved cheeseburgers. If such came to pass, Iâd be comforted by the thought that Iâd tried everything.
Full disclosure: The word âvegan,â because it is so heavily associated with a political point of view and persona utterly at odds with how I perceived myself, was one that I couldnât at first get comfortable with. Iâve always been left-leaning politically. But Iâmalso the furthest thing from a hippie or earthy-crunchy typeâthe sort of person that the word âveganâ had always conjured in my mind. Even today, I struggle a little with the term âveganâ as it applies to me. Yet despite everything, there I was, giving it a shot. What followed was a miracle, altering my lifeâs trajectory forever.
When I began my post-cleanse vegetarian phase, I found the elimination of meat from my diet not that difficult. I barely noticed the difference. But the removal of dairy? Different story altogether. I considered giving myself occasional permission to enjoy my beloved cheese and milk. What on earth is wrong with a nice cold glass of milk, anyway? Could there