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to tell him how she feels about him.
    Problem is, Janie can"t remember saying “I love you” to anyone. Ever.
    ı
    She burrows closer into him. How could she have gone so many years
    without touching people? Hugs? Arms wrapped loosely in slumber, like
    a tired Christmas package whose ribbon hangs on, even until the last
    moment.
    ı
    They confirm their plans for tomorrow under the covers. Opposite schedules unlike last semester, because they need to make a broader
    canvas through the school. All different teachers, too. This time Cabel
    set up his schedule with Principal Abernethy after Janie got hers, without Abernethy knowing why he picked the classes, teachers, and
    times that he chose. Principal Abernethy knows about Cabel"s job. But
    he doesn"t know about Janie"s, and Captain wants to keep it that way.
    Cabel agreed with the schedule setup, except for one thing. His only
    insistence with Captain was to have study hall at the same time as Janie.
    So he can cover for her, in case anybody ever sees what happens to her
    in there. Captain agreed.
    Last semester, Janie and Cabel had identical schedules. Which Cabel
    insists was a fluke.
    Janie doesn"t believe him.
    Or maybe she wants to believe that he found her on purpose. Even Janie
    can have her dreams.
    They drift off to sleep. And when Cabel starts to dream, she startles
    awake, fights it off, and slides away from him, closes his door, and
    finishes her night"s rest on the couch.
    January 3, 2006, 6:50 a.m.
    She wakes up to the smell of bacon and coffee. Her stomach growls, but
    it"s normal hunger, not the famished, about-to-pass-out feeling she
    sometimes has after a night of falling into others" nightmares. Janie doesn"t want to open her eyes, and then he"s there, on top of her
    and her blankets, kissing her ear. “Next time, kick me out of the bed,” he
    whispers. The weight of him feels amazing on her body. Maybe it"s because she"s numb so often.
    Or because she was so numb inside, before she let him in. She opens her eyes slowly. It takes her a moment to adjust to the bright
    kitchen light, shining in her eyes. “Can we rearrange the furniture this
    weekend?” she asks sleepily. “So when I sleep out here, you don"t shine
    all of Satan"s fiery hell lights in my eyes first thing in the morning?”
    “Awww. Don"t be grumpy. We"re going into the best time of our lives.
    Be excited!”
    He"s joking.
    ı
    Everyone who is heading to college knows that the best semester comes
    in four more years. Although this one will probably be easier. Awake now, she shoves him off her, even though she"d rather lie like
    this all day. “Shower,” she mumbles, shuffling off in that direction. Her
    muscles ache from working out. But it"s a good ache. When she emerges, breakfast is on the table.
    She"s finally gotten used to eating here, at this table. After Cabel"s nightmare about the knives and all. ı
    And then she has to go.
    Back to her house to check on her mother and get her car. She clings to him.
    She doesn"t understand why.
    Except it makes her happy.
    ı
    He kisses her.
    She kisses him.
    They kiss.
    ı
    And then she goes.
    Out the door, crunching through the crust on eighteen inches of Michigan snow. Runs into her house. Makes sure her mother has food in
    the fridge. And grabs money for lunch.
    She and Cabel accidentally park near each other at school, which makes
    Ethel very happy, Janie thinks.
    7:53 a.m.
    Carrie whaps Janie on the back of the head. “Hey, chica ,” she says, her
    eyes dancing, as usual. “I"ve hardly seen you over the holiday break.
    You all better?”
    Janie grins. “I"m good. Check out my cool-ass scar.”
    Carrie whistles, impressed.
    “How"s Stu? Did you have a good Christmas?”
    “Well, after the whole jail experience, I was pretty bummed out for a
    few days, but hey, shit happens. We had our court thingy yesterday, and
    I did what you suggested. I got my charges dropped, but Stu had to pay a
    fine. No jail time, though. It was a good