and bending down beside me. âWhat is it?â She leaned down and saw the envelope, catching her breath. âOh, honey,â she said, and even before she wrapped her arms around me I was already leaning in, tucking my head against her shoulder as she held me, as I knew sheâd held Cass, in this same chair, at this same table, in this same light, on other mornings, not like this.
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When I walked up to our sliding glass door, the phone was ringing. No one seemed to be around, so I picked it up.
âHello?â
There was a silence, with just a bit of buzzing.
âHello?â
My father appeared in the doorway, out of breath: Heâd been outside, in the garage. âWho is it?â
I shook my head. âI donâtââ
He was immediately beside me, pulling the receiver out of my hand. âCassandra? Is that you?â
âJack?â my mother said from their bedroom. I could hear her moving, coming closer, and then she appeared in the hallway, clutching a tissue, one hand over her mouth. âI dozed off. Is itââ
âCassandra, listen to me. You have to come home. Weâre not mad at you, but you have to come home.â His voice was shaking.
âLet me talk to her,â my mother said, coming closer, but he shook his head, holding out one hand to keep her there.
âTell her we love her!â my mother said, and I couldnât stand the way her voice sounded, unsure and wavering. I slipped around them both and into my room, slowly picking up my own phone. On the line, no one was speaking.
âCassandra,â my father said finally. âTalk to me.â
Silence. I pictured her standing in a phone booth by a highway, cars whizzing by. A place Iâd never seen, a world I didnât know. Then, suddenly, I heard her voice.
âDaddy,â she began, and I heard my father take in a breath, quickly, as if heâd been punched in the stomach. âIâm okay. Iâm happy. But Iâm not coming home.â
âWhere are you?â he demanded.
âLet me talk to her!â my mother shrieked in the background. She could have gone into my fatherâs office and picked up the extension there, but I knew she wasnât thinking of that, couldnât even move from that spot in the hallway where she was standing. âCassandra!â
âDonât worry about me,â Cass said. âIâmââ
âNo,â my father said. âYou must come home.â
âThis is what I want,â she said. âYou have to respect that.â
âYouâre only eighteen,â my father told her. âThis is ridiculous, you canât possibly knowââ
âDaddy,â she said, and I realized suddenly I was crying, again, the receiver wet against my face. âIâm sorry. I love you. Please tell Mom not to worry.â
âNo,â my father said, firm. âWe are notââ
âCaitlin?â she said suddenly. âI know youâre there. I can hear you.â
âWhat is she saying?â my mother kept asking, now close to the receiver. âWhere is she?â
âMargaret, just hold on,â my father told her.
âYes,â I whispered back to Cass. âIâm here.â
âDonât cry, okay?â she said. The line crackled, and I thought of her tackling me that night, her breath against my neck, laughing in my ear. âI love you. Iâm sorry about your birthday.â
âItâs nothing,â I said.
There was a voice outside her end, a yell, and another buzz on the line. âIs that him?â my father demanded. âIs he there?â
âI have to go,â she said. âPlease donât worry, okay?â
âDammit, Cassandra,â my father said. âDonât you hang up this phone!â
âGood-bye,â she said softly, as my fatherâs voice dropped away.