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at myself, so why should strangers catch even a glimpse? My preferred option would have been to dissolve into invisibility, but unfortunately, things didn’t work like that.
    I missed my old life and my long hair—flaxen, like my mom’s. Friends had often told me how they envied my golden mane. Well, now there was nothing left to envy.
    Now I was the one who felt envy. Or who would have felt envy, had there been any friends around. But there weren’t any. One after the other had moved on, which didn’t make things easier.
    I missed a shoulder to lean on. I longed for someone outside my family who would support me. I missed warmth and laughter.
    I’m sure it had been difficult to be around me during those months, but I always assumed people I loved, who claimed to love me, would stick with me. Apparently, I had it all wrong.
    Situations like mine teach you who your real friends are. I’d never imagined nobody would stand by me. We’d experienced so many things together, but none of those times with each other seemed to count, except to me.
    I wouldn’t have abandoned them. I wouldn’t have let them down.
    But what had happened to me . . .
    It was too much for them. It was too much for me.
    And it was too much for Christoph . . .

Chapter 3 ½
    Mia—You Can’t Heal While You’re in Pain
    Graz, August 2011
    The day had started out a good one. I had even managed the steps, a rare feat over the past few weeks. Everyone wanted me downstairs more often. They tried to boost my morale. But they had no clue how I felt and what I was really going through.
    How I hated that question: “How are you today?”
    Fantastic, thank you. Guess I never felt better.
    They should stop asking. All of them. I didn’t answer anyway, so what was the point?
    Yet that particular day had been good. Maybe it was the silence. Nobody was home to pepper me with questions or fill the stillness with chatter. The mornings had become my favorite time of day. The house was empty and quiet. The only sound came from the ticking of the pendulum clock.
    My parents were at work. They’d needed their daily routine back. I understood; I missed mine. Without it, I was just a pain in everyone’s neck, including my own.
    I was sick and tired of sitting in my room hour after hour, with nothing to occupy my time, nothing for me to do in this house—nothing I enjoyed, anyway. By then, most of my so-called friends had disappeared. Christoph was my one silver lining in this whole ordeal, but we didn’t do much else besides sit next to each other, watch TV, or talk. Except for talking, of course, which I no longer cared for, I could do the rest by myself. Yet his presence reassured me. He gave me strength and was the reason I fought a little harder each day. I fought for him—and for us.
    That day he had promised to take off work. The prospect of having him around for more than just a few hours cheered me up.
    As always, he was running behind. I’d been sitting in the kitchen for over an hour and was growing worried. I knew he was never on time, but usually he wasn’t more than a half hour late.
    I tapped in his number on my cell phone.
    “Hey, where are you? I’ve been waiting forever,” I said.
    “Hey, Mia. Um . . . I . . .”
    Something was off. He was never at a loss for words. He seemed nervous.
    “Are you all right, Chris?”
    He didn’t answer. I only heard him breathe.
    “Chris, please, say something. You sound confused. Is everything OK?” I repeated.
    The silence grew longer, scaring me. This behavior wasn’t normal. I tried to remain patient, never my forte. I wanted everything to happen fast. Time was important to me. I needed time. And yet I waited.
    “Mia, I . . .” I heard a ragged inhale. I didn’t need to see him to know he was running his left hand through his hair, his default gesture when he was nervous.
    “OK, well . . . Mia . . . I can’t do this any longer. I can’t deal with it.”
    A huge knot gripped my