Diary of a Madman and Other Stories Read Online Free Page B
Author: Nikolái Gógol
as France or some other country, may be compelling him to hide; or there may be other reasons.
DECEMBER 8
I HAD quite decided to go to the Department, but various reasons and meditations prevented me from doing so. I canât get the affairs of Spain out of my head. How is it possible that a Donna should become Queen? It wonât be tolerated. To begin with, England wonât tolerate it. Besides, the political affairs of the whole of Europe, the Emperor of Austria, our Tsar . . . I confess that all these events have so overwhelmed and shaken me that the whole day I was unable to do any work. Mavra made remarks on my absent-mindedness at table. Indeed, it would seem that I threw two plates on the floor, whereupon they got smashed. After dinner I went to look at the mountains: but did not find them helpful. For the most part lay on my bed, and reflected on the affairs of Spain.
2000 A.D., April 43
TO-DAY is a day of the greatest rejoicing. Spain has a King. He has been discovered. I am that King. It was only to-day I found it out. The revelation came to me like a flash of lightning. It is inconceivable that I should have imagined myself to be a Titular Councillor. How could that crazy, insane idea ever have entered my head? It was lucky nobody realized that the right thing to do was to send me to a lunatic asylum. Now all has become clear to me. I see through everything. Until now, strange to say, everything to me was as in a mist. And all this must have been due to people imagining that the human brain is situated in the head; quite wrong: it is brought over by the wind from the direction of the Caspian Sea. I began by telling Mavra who I was. When she heard that the King of Spain was standing before her, she clasped her hands and almost died of fright. The silly woman had never seen a King of Spain before. However, I tried to reassure her, and in gracious words tried to convince her of my benevolent feelings towards her; I said that I was not in the least displeased with her for having sometimes cleaned my boots so badly. This is the right way with the lower orders: it is no use talking to them of anything more elevated. Her fright was caused by her idea that all Kings of Spain resembled Philip II. But I made it clear to her that there was very little resemblance between me and Philip, and that I had not got even one Capuchin. I didnât go to the Department. To Hell with it! No, my friends, you wonât induce me to come there again. I am not going to copy your horrid papers any more.
MARTOBER 86, BETWEEN DAY AND NIGHT
TO-DAY our executive clerk came to summon me to the Department. It was three weeks, he said, since I had been there last.
But men are unfair, with this way of reckoning in weeks. The Jews invented it because itâs their Rabbiâs washing time. However I went to the Department, just for the fun of it. The head of the section was expecting that I should salute him and apologize before him; but I only looked at him in a detached way, not too angrily and not too graciously, and sat down in my place, pretending not to notice anything. As I looked at all that office rabble I thought to myself: What if you knew who is sitting in the midst of you! . . . Great God! wouldnât there be a hullabaloo! The head of the section himself would at once start doubling himself in two before me, the way he bows to the Director. Some papers were placed before me to make a précis of them. But I did not move a finger. A few minutes later there was a general commotion: the Director was coming. Many of the officials ran forward to attract his attention, but I did not budge. As he passed our section they all buttoned up their coats, but not I. A Director, indeed! That I should get up before himânever! And is he really a Director? Heâs a cork, and not a Director. A cork, an ordinary cork, the kind you cork bottles with. What amused me most was when someone put a paper before me to countersign. They
DECEMBER 8
I HAD quite decided to go to the Department, but various reasons and meditations prevented me from doing so. I canât get the affairs of Spain out of my head. How is it possible that a Donna should become Queen? It wonât be tolerated. To begin with, England wonât tolerate it. Besides, the political affairs of the whole of Europe, the Emperor of Austria, our Tsar . . . I confess that all these events have so overwhelmed and shaken me that the whole day I was unable to do any work. Mavra made remarks on my absent-mindedness at table. Indeed, it would seem that I threw two plates on the floor, whereupon they got smashed. After dinner I went to look at the mountains: but did not find them helpful. For the most part lay on my bed, and reflected on the affairs of Spain.
2000 A.D., April 43
TO-DAY is a day of the greatest rejoicing. Spain has a King. He has been discovered. I am that King. It was only to-day I found it out. The revelation came to me like a flash of lightning. It is inconceivable that I should have imagined myself to be a Titular Councillor. How could that crazy, insane idea ever have entered my head? It was lucky nobody realized that the right thing to do was to send me to a lunatic asylum. Now all has become clear to me. I see through everything. Until now, strange to say, everything to me was as in a mist. And all this must have been due to people imagining that the human brain is situated in the head; quite wrong: it is brought over by the wind from the direction of the Caspian Sea. I began by telling Mavra who I was. When she heard that the King of Spain was standing before her, she clasped her hands and almost died of fright. The silly woman had never seen a King of Spain before. However, I tried to reassure her, and in gracious words tried to convince her of my benevolent feelings towards her; I said that I was not in the least displeased with her for having sometimes cleaned my boots so badly. This is the right way with the lower orders: it is no use talking to them of anything more elevated. Her fright was caused by her idea that all Kings of Spain resembled Philip II. But I made it clear to her that there was very little resemblance between me and Philip, and that I had not got even one Capuchin. I didnât go to the Department. To Hell with it! No, my friends, you wonât induce me to come there again. I am not going to copy your horrid papers any more.
MARTOBER 86, BETWEEN DAY AND NIGHT
TO-DAY our executive clerk came to summon me to the Department. It was three weeks, he said, since I had been there last.
But men are unfair, with this way of reckoning in weeks. The Jews invented it because itâs their Rabbiâs washing time. However I went to the Department, just for the fun of it. The head of the section was expecting that I should salute him and apologize before him; but I only looked at him in a detached way, not too angrily and not too graciously, and sat down in my place, pretending not to notice anything. As I looked at all that office rabble I thought to myself: What if you knew who is sitting in the midst of you! . . . Great God! wouldnât there be a hullabaloo! The head of the section himself would at once start doubling himself in two before me, the way he bows to the Director. Some papers were placed before me to make a précis of them. But I did not move a finger. A few minutes later there was a general commotion: the Director was coming. Many of the officials ran forward to attract his attention, but I did not budge. As he passed our section they all buttoned up their coats, but not I. A Director, indeed! That I should get up before himânever! And is he really a Director? Heâs a cork, and not a Director. A cork, an ordinary cork, the kind you cork bottles with. What amused me most was when someone put a paper before me to countersign. They
Readers choose
Natasha Lowe
Taylor Stevens
Barbara White Daille
Alannah Carbonneau
Geoffrey Abbott
Caitlin Kerry
Lori Foster
Morgan Blayde
Shad Callister