Diary of a Mad Bride Read Online Free Page A

scandals, crack babies, and boat shows. Not to mention a six-part series on yo-yo dieting. I think I can handle a wedding.
    It drives me nuts to think that people like Mandy actually spend thousands of dollars to hire a wedding planner. Sure she wants everything done “just right,” but how about putting that money into something practical? Like an IRA. Or a new vacuum cleaner. Those are investments. But thousands of dollars on a wedding planner? Another couple thousand on flowers? Not to mention the million-dollar dress you only wear once. Forget it. I refuse to wake up in debt the day after my wedding.

    LIST OF THINGS TO DO FOR WEDDING:
    1. Choose wedding date
    2. Tell boss wedding date
    3. Vacation time for honeymoon
    4. Decide on honeymoon
    5. Get minister
    6. Choose reception venue
    7. Make guest list
    8. Choose maid of honor
    9. Choose best man
    10. Register for gifts
    11. Arrange for engagement party
    12. Buy engagement ring
    13. Buy wedding rings
    14. Buy wedding dress
    15. Choose maid of honor dress
    16. Order wedding cake
    17. Hire caterer
    18. Hire band for reception
    19. Order flowers for ceremony
    20. Buy shoes

august 6th
    I t started as a lark. Since I can’t actually talk about my wedding I figured I should at least use my time wisely and get all the planning out of the way. You know, zip through that “Things To Do” list, then get back to the important things in life, like my story ideas for the Octoberissue of
Round-Up.
So, looking for guidance, I stopped at the newsstand to buy a bridal magazine.
    Except it wasn’t that simple.
    I work in the magazine industry and even I never realized how many bridal magazines there are. And they cost a fortune. Ten dollars a pop? That’s what some guys get for sperm donations. And sperm’s got a longer shelf life. These magazines are useless after I’m married. Even if I give them to a girlfriend, she’s got to get married within the next year or the dresses will be out of fashion, the prices will have changed, and the vendors will have moved.
    And they’re 90 percent ads.
    But which one to buy? I probably should’ve waited to ask Mandy, but I still have eight LONG and TORTUROUS days of silence left, and I see no reason to be idle. So I purchased ten. I’m too busy
living
to waste a second agonizing over how to choose a bridal magazine.

august 7th
    A fter studying the bridal magazines and weeding through all the advertisements, it seems I left a few things off my list.
    Although only freaks and Mandys would seriously consider numbers 30, 31, 36, 38, and 39.

    LIST OF THINGS TO DO FOR WEDDING (AMENDED):
    1. Choose wedding date
    2. Tell boss wedding date
    3. Vacation time for honeymoon
    4. Decide on honeymoon
    5. Get minister
    6. Choose reception venue
    7. Make guest list
    8. Choose maid of honor
    9. Choose best man
    10. Register for gifts
    11. Arrange for engagement party
    12. Buy engagement ring
    13. Buy wedding rings
    14. Buy wedding dress
    15. Choose maid of honor dress
    16. Order wedding cake
    17. Hire caterer
    18. Hire band for reception
    19. Order flowers for ceremony
    20. Buy shoes
    21. Plan rehearsal dinner
    22. Invites to rehearsal dinner
    23. Hire musicians for ceremony
    24. Decide on dress code
    25. Get marriage license
    26. Hire videographer
    27. Hire photographer
    28. Order table flowers
    29. Order bouquets
    30. Order boutonnieres for men
    31. Order nosegays for women
    32. Order invitations
    33. Decide on wine selection
    34. Postage for invitations
    35. Choose hairstyle and makeup
    36. Buy gifts for attendants
    37. Buy thank-you notes
    38. Announce wedding in newspaper
    39. Buy headpiece

august 9th
    I showed my list to Stephen. After looking it over he felt confident that I’d remembered everything. And just as I suspected, he agrees that we should not, under any circumstances, allow our parents to get involved with the planning. Stephen’s folks live only a few towns away from my parents upstate, so it’s not like it’d be impossible for