sooner, but you should begin to notice changes in your body and mind this year.’ He placed his hands palm down on the table and pushed himself onto his feet as if his body was a great weight.
Nothing he told her made sense. He was a bit late for ‘the talk’. That was how much attention he took. He hadn’t even noticed she had already changed.
‘That’s no reason to keep me here. Annet’s already told me everything years ago.’ Rage flared through her. ‘You can’t stop me from going. I am old enough to do what I want. And you don’t have to pay. I’ve applied for help with the fees.’
‘Nell.’ His voice was low, but commanding as he leant forward.
She held his gaze.
Finally, he sighed. ‘We’ll speak more when my sister arrives.’
His sister? ‘You have a sister?’
He nodded.
‘Why haven’t you ever told me? Why haven’t I met her before?’
‘You will understand why when she gets here. She’s bringing your birthday presents and they will help explain the things I’ve avoided for too long.’ He reached for her hand.
A glimpse of curiosity sparked in her mind. Sister andpresents? It didn’t matter. She was going to uni whether he liked it or not. She snatched her hand away. ‘I don’t care. She never bothered to see me before now.’
‘There are reasons, Nell. Reasons why you have to stay close to the house and why you can’t attend university. Please, love, trust me.’
‘No. You can’t stop me.’ She pushed her chair out from under her with such force it crashed to the floor. ‘I hate you,’ she screamed, and ran out of the kitchen. Hitting the sideboard with a closed fist, she stormed onto the side veranda.
She stood still and shivered. Tears made tracks down her cheeks. She shouldn’t have said that. She didn’t hate him. She loved him with all her heart. Oh, Mum, she said silently, wishing again her mother was there. She loved Annet but she wasn’t her mother and never would be.
Calming down a few minutes later, she felt silly for her tantrum. The croc’s words stung her mind. She sighed and had to admit she had acted childishly. Ugh. Being an adult wasn’t so great after all but she’d try harder next time.
Dwelling on her sadness, she was aware of the breeze rustling the coconut palm fronds, the scratching animal noises under the house, probably lizards, the ebb and flow of the ocean pulling and pushing the sand. A prickling sensation filled the air and a sense of impending danger made her skin itchy. She rubbed her arms and looked out over the ocean. Dark clouds stretched across the horizon. She was right. A huge storm was on its way.
CHAPTER 3
A soft breeze ruffled her curls as she looked out over the ocean. She couldn’t tell if the salt she tasted on her lips was from the ocean or her tears. As she gazed past the clumps of rusty, dead coral at the thunderheads blending into one, her chest tightened as if it was in a vice, the grey ocean and gloomy sky in front of her and the rainforest-covered mountain behind her wasn’t her little piece of heaven anymore. It was a prison. She was trapped. Trapped forever. How could her father do that to her? Did he really wish she’d died instead of her mother?
She remembered the first time she had heard those words from her father. A ten-year-old, hiding behind bushes, although she couldn’t remember why. She had overheard her father talking to their neighbour, Carl Frederick.
‘You have to tell Nell,’ Carl had said.
‘I know. I will soon,’ her father replied.
She remembered having to strain to hear the rest of what her father said, and although he spoke in hushed tones, she was sure she had heard correctly.
‘The truth is, Carl, I wish (mumble) died instead of Asisa.’
Ten-year-old Nell inserted her name easily into the part-heard sentence.
‘The truth is, Carl, I wish Nell had died instead of Asisa.’
The same line had played in her mind a million times since that day, and instead of becoming less