Crompton Divided Read Online Free Page B

hypercautious Rutinsky.
    ‘One must make sure,’ Rutinsky said, with a bleak smile. As Chief Agent for Freesmellers (Illegal) Guild, or F(I)G, this man was responsible for the democratizing and deinstitutionalizing of psychosmelling in Albania, Lithuania, and Transylvania. His Guild, though illegal in the United States, was duly registered and paid taxes, as was required of all illegal organizations.
    ‘Quick, man, there’s no time to lose!’ Rutinsky snapped.
    ‘Well, I wasn’t wasting any time,’ Crompton said. ‘I was here on time. It was you who insisted upon turning a straight-forward criminal business deal into a cloak and dagger operation’
    ‘So I’ve got a flair for the dramatic,’ Rutinsky said. ‘Is that a crime? It just happens that I’m also cautious. Would you condemn a man for that?’
    ‘I’m not condemning you for anything,’ Crompton said. ‘I am merely pointing out that you needn’t tell me to hurry since I am not wasting any time. Shall we get down to business?’
    ‘No.’ Rutinsky said. ‘You have hurt my feelings, impugned my honor, and cast an aspersion on my courage. I think I shall have another drink.’
    ‘All right,’ Crompton said, ‘I’m sorry if what I said upset you. Can we get down to business now?’
    ‘No, I don’t think you’re being sincere,’ Rutinsky said sulkily, biting at the ends of his fingernails and snuffling.
    ‘How in God’s name did you ever get to be Chief Agent for Freesmellers?’ Crompton asked.
    Rutinsky looked up with a sudden dazzling smile. ‘I got there because I am clever and intelligent and brave and possess a mercurial temperament. See? I have snapped out of it already. Let me see the bottle.’
    Crompton handed over the bottle, envious of Rutinsky’s mercuriality. He promised himself that someday, after Reintegration, he too would perform outlandish non sequiturs.
    Swiftly, deftly, Rutinsky took a miniature olfactotalizer out of his pocket and clamped it to the bottle. First he took a qualitative reading to ensure that this was indeed lurhistia. Then, satisfied, he took a reading on quantity as measured by intensity, to make sure that Crompton hadn’t added a gill or so of water.
    The pointer on the olfactotalizer dial swung around and bent itself in half around the limit pin!
    ‘Yep, it’s the real thing,’ Rutinsky said reverently. He turned to Crompton and his eyes were moist. ‘My friend, I wonder if you realize how much you have done. With the contents of this one slender bottle, I can release Freesmellers from their corporate embarrassment. In the name of Edwin Pudger, saintly white-haired head of our organization, I thank you for this favor, Mr. Crompton.’
    ‘It’s not a favor, it’s a criminal business transaction. I mean, pay me.’
    ‘Of course,’ said Rutinsky. He took a bulging wallet from his pocket and began counting out notes. ‘Let’s see; our agreed-upon price was 800,000 SVUs, to be paid in equal parts of Aaian and Yggan currency. At today’s rate of exchange that comes to 18,276 Aaian pronics and 420,087 Yggan drun-mushies. Here, I think you will find the count correct.’
    Alistair stuffed the currency into a pocket. Then he stiffened; he had just heard a high-pitched whistling sound coming from the vicinity of Rutinsky’s abdomen.
    ‘What is it?’ Crompton demanded.
    ‘Transmission signal,’ Rutinsky said, taking from his waistcoat a subminiature radio the size and shape of a Dodecanese snuffbox. ‘It’s the CEWS special broadcast. One can’t afford to be without it.’
    ‘What in God’s name is the CEWS?’ Crompton demanded.
    ‘Criminal Early Warning System,’ Rutinsky said. ‘Didn’t you know about it? Let’s listen to what they have to say.’
    ‘Good afternoon, fellow criminals,’ a cheerful voice declared over the subminiature quadrophonic speaker. ‘This is your old friend and d.j. Jack the Ripper broadcasting to you on various clandestine frequencies from our secret mobile