Closing Time Read Online Free Page B

hardily even as the two of us sit here procrastinating complacently?"
    Dennis Teemer went along, with a shimmer of animation. "I guess I have more fun with you than I do with most of my other patients, don't I?"
    "I told Leon that."
    "But that may be because you're not really my patient," said Dr. Teemer. "What you conjecture is conceivable, of course, Mr. Yossarian. But it is no more likely to be happening to you than to anybody else."
    "And what difference does that make to me?" countered Yossarian. "It is not much solace to know we all are susceptible. Leon thinks I'll feel better knowing I'm no worse off than he is. Let's get started."
    "Suppose we begin with another chest X ray?"
    "God, no!" cried Yossarian in mock alarm. "That might just get one started! You know how I feel about X rays and asbestos."
    "And tobacco too. Should I give you a statistic I think you'll relish? Did you know that more Americans die each year of diseases related to smoking than were killed in all of the years of World War II?"
    "Yes."
    "Then I suppose we might as well go ahead. Should I hammer your knee to test your reflexes?"
    'For what?"
    "For free."
    "Can't we at least do a biopsy?"
    "Of what?"
    "Of anything that's accessible and simple."
    "If you will find that reassuring."
    "I will sleep easier."
    "We can scrape another mole or another one of your liver spots. Or should we test the prostate again? The prostate is not uncommon."
    "Mine is unique," Yossarian disagreed. "It's the only one that's mine. Let's do the mole. Shumacher has a prostate my age. Let me know when you find something wrong with his."
    "I can tell you now," said Yossarian's favorite oncologist, "that it will give me great pleasure to inform you that the results are negative."
    "I can tell you now," said Yossarian, "that I will be happy to hear it."
    Yossarian yearned to go deeper with this depressed man into the depressing nature of the pathologies in the depressing world of his work and the depressing nature of the universe in which they had each been successful in surviving thus far and which was growing more unreliable daily-there were holes in the ozone, they were running out of room for the disposal of garbage, burn the garbage and you contaminate the air, they were running out of air-but he was afraid the doctor would find that conversation depressing.
    All of this cost money, of course.
    "Of course," said Yossarian.
    "Where is it coming from?" Leon Shumacher wondered out loud, with a palpable snarl of envy.
    "I'm old enough for Medicare now."
    "Medicare won't cover a fraction of this."
    "And the rest is coming from a terrific plan I have."
    "I wish I had a plan like that," Leon sulked.
    It came, explained Yossarian, from the company for which he worked, where he was still on the books in a semi-executive capacity as a semi-retired semi-consultant and could remain for a lifetime provided he never tried to get much done.
    "I wish I had a job like that. What the hell does it mean?" Leon mimicked in sneering derision: "Yossarian, John. Occupation: semi-retired semi-consultant. What the hell are our epidemiologists supposed to make of that one?"
    "It's been another one of my careers. I work part of the time for all of my fee and no one listens to more than half the things I say. I would call that a semi-retired semi-consultant, wouldn't you? The company pays for everything. We are as large as Harold Strangelove Associates and almost as lovable. We are M & M Enterprises & Associates. I am one of the associates. The other people are enterprising. I associate, they enterprise."
    "What do they really do?"
    "Whatever makes money and isn't dishonestly criminal, I suppose," Yossarian answered.
    "Is one word of this true?"
    "I have no way of knowing. They can lie to me as well as to everyone else. We keep secrets from each other. I'm not making it up. You can check. Tie me back up to that heart machine and see if it skips a beat when I tell a lie."
    "Will it do that?" Leon asked