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best sexy walk all the way down the ward, but I don’t think she notices and I feel all wrong. 
    Dad has gone in to talk to the sister on the ward, and they’re in the office for a while and we stand and read the notices on the board and look at the leaflets about diabetes and incontinence and then Dad comes out. 
    â€œLet’s go. They don’t know how long she’ll take.” 
    He’s cold and cut off and we trail after him to the car park. George kicks up about going in the middle so I give him a push and he shrieks and gets in and I look out of the window with my MP3 on loud all the way home. 
    When we go past the park I see Raj up there with his mates playing football and I ask Mum to stop and let me out so I can go for a walk. She tells me not to be late and I head off into the park, glad to be seeing Raj and to be free for a while.

Me and Raj 
    â€œHi.” I’m a bit shy round all Raj’s mates. They’re older, and they’re mostly Asian so they are different, but we’ve known each other all through school so it’s kind of different in a way you know really well. 
    â€œHey,” Raj runs off the pitch and he’s smiling at me and I feel better. He’s tall, skinny in a good way, fit, and his face opens up when he smiles. “Where’ve you been?” 
    â€œVisiting my granma in the General. She’s ancient and they think she’ll die soon.” 
    â€œWow. Bet you’ll miss her. I’d really miss my gran if she died.” 
    â€œYeah, well, she lives with you. Granma’s lived in a home for ages. And I don’t know, it doesn’t feel good with her. She’s never liked Mum, or us. Didn’t approve or something. Whatever I did it was wrong. Now she doesn’t know who we are so it doesn’t matter.” 
    â€œWow.” Sometimes I think Raj must think we’re really strange. His family sounds close, and there’s loads of cousins and everything, and they have these huge parties. And sometimes I feel jealous of him about all that when it’s just me and Mum and Dad and Hannah and George and we don’t act like we’re a family, and we don’t have anyone round or anything. 
    It’s not Granma I’m sad about, it’s me, us. Seeing her in the hospital, I saw we were all going to die. Not that I didn’t know that, but I knew it differently. Different from when the gerbil died when I was seven and I thought it would come alive again next day. It feels like I’m sad about life, about death, about the whole stupid thing. I mean, why live when you know you’re going to die? 
    â€œHey, I have to get back to the game. You going to hang around till we finish?” 
    â€œNo, I have to go home.” 
    â€œSee you then.” He’s running off to the pitch and I watch him and think about one day he’s going to die and my eyes go all swimmy so he’s blurred and he’s running and I turn away and wipe my eyes. I break into a run myself and I’m slamming my feet down on the pavement and pushing myself to go on and on till I’m nearly home and I’m sweating and breathing hard and I know, I know I’m alive. 
    I get home and Mum’s there on her own, looking like there’s a funeral going on already. 
    â€œSomebody died?” I say, just for a laugh. 
    â€œGranma,” says Mum and I feel so embarrassed. I never thought she would die so soon, and it’s weird to think of her just a couple of hours ago in the hospital. And I was the last one in the family to see her alive. Maybe that funny breath was the last one. I go all shivery and cold inside. Mum sighs and bangs the kettle on. 
    â€œYour dad’s gone down