after this for six more months…maybe never again.”
Jim’s heart pumped faster. He wanted to be
alone. “I really have to take care of something,” he said. “I hate to be rude
but…”
“I need an ashtray,” Len said. He inhaled
again and laughed. “I guess this is a non-smoking area. Your mother would
probably kill me if she saw me doing this in here. She’d accuse me of
corrupting her handsome young son with that vile, hideous, legal substance, tobacco.”
There wasn’t an ashtray in the entire house,
so Jim bent down and picked up a trash can beside his desk. He set it on the
bed and shoved his hands into his pockets. Then he glanced up at the ceiling
and wondered how long Len Mayfield would sit there. He couldn’t be rude to his
best friend’s dad; Jim had been raised to be polite to his elders.
After a moment of silence, Len blew smoke
through his nose again and said, “Is it your love life, man? Is that the
problem?”
Jim flung him a stare. “Huh?”
“Are you upset about your love life?” Len
asked. “Something is clearly wrong. I’ve been watching you since you came
downstairs. Is it a girl?”
Jim felt his chest cave in. Len had seen
through his façade. He couldn’t tell Len the truth. He couldn’t say he was
confused about what to do with the rest of his life, he couldn’t admit he was
gay, and he definitely couldn’t tell Len he wanted to suck his son’s cock more
than anything else in the world. “It’s just a lot of things, Mr. Mayfield. I’ve
got a lot on my mind right now, is all.” He tried to smile; he tried harder to
keep his voice even.
Len smiled. “So it’s nothing serious. You
seem so confused.”
Jim looked up at the ceiling. “No. It’s
nothing serious, Mr. Mayfield. Thank you for asking.” He couldn’t tell Cain
Mayfield’s dad he was so frustrated about being in the closet he wanted to sit
on his bedpost and scream, “Fuck me.”
Len stood up and tossed the burning
cigarette into the trash can without giving it a second thought. He gazed up
and down at Jim and said, “Well, congratulations,” and then he left Jim
standing in the bedroom alone.
When Jim thought he was alone, he reached
into the trash can to put out the cigarette so the house wouldn’t burn down.
While he did this, Len walked back into the bedroom and said, “I need a ride
home. Do you mind?”
“A ride?”
“Yes. My wife left early and took the car. I
suspect she’s going to visit her tennis instructor. She’s been spending a lot
of time with him, if you know what I mean.”
Jim swallowed hard. “No, Mr. Mayfield. I
don’t know what you mean.”
Len frowned. “That’s not the point, Jim. I
need a ride home. Will you take me in your new car? Or are you going to make an
older man walk along dark empty roads all alone?”
The last thing Jim wanted to do was get
trapped inside a car with Cain Mayfield’s dad. If Len Mayfield knew the filthy,
dirty thoughts Jim often had about his son, he’d probably throw him out the
bedroom window. So Jim picked up the keys to the new BMW and handed them to
Len. “You can take the car,” he said. “We’ll pick it up tomorrow.”
Len glanced down at the keys in his palm.
“Your father told me it’s a manual transmission. I don’t know how to drive a
manual. I never learned. You’re going to have to drive me yourself.”
“Ah well, Mr. Mayfield.”
“If you’d rather I walk, I guess I could
take my chances. But it did start to drizzle a minute ago.”
He couldn’t let the poor man walk home
alone, especially not on a dark wet road. Besides, it would have been
disrespectful to refuse. He took a quick breath and said, “Okay. I’ll take you
home, Mr. Mayfield.”
Len looked him up and down again and said,
“I’ll wait for you downstairs by the car.” Before he turned to leave, he tossed
the keys over Jim’s shoulder and they landed on the jock strap at the end of Jim’s
bed. “Don’t be long, Jim. I don’t