begin taking stock of my emotions – surprise, check; betrayal, check; anger, oh absolutely. Part of me expects tears to well in my eyes and screams of anguish to emit from my throat any second. I wait for them to run like rivers down my face and to burn from my throat, but they don’t come. There are no tears for the wasted years, months, hours and minutes I wasted on a man completely undeserving of every second he was with me. So much wasted time, wasted moments and memories. But there are no tears, at least not yet.
Forming sentences continues to elude me, so I remain quiet. My gaze falls upon a clock on the wall and my mind can’t help but marvel at the way time continues to pass during moments that feel like life stands still.
Katie receives clarity before me, and when she turns to me, her eyes capturing mine, I see the anger there, burning like an inferno. “There is absolutely no way you are not leaving here with me, right the hell now,” she practically spits each word. “It’s best friend code or some shit. Best friends shall not let each other marry a rat-cheating bastard that impregnates her wicked stepsister with what will no doubt be the spawn of Satan. I’m sure it’s a commandment or something.”
Nodding my head absently, I whole-heartedly agree, and as she’s speaking to me, another flood of anger comes over me. It’s as if I’m kindling and the rage churning in her eyes grabs hold of my dry branches and sets them aflame. Before I know what I’m doing, I’ve grabbed my bouquet of white lilies and am out the door of the dressing room, making my way to the large room we’ve rented and decorated for our wedding ceremony.
Halting at the sight of the large wooden doors before me, I picture the betrayer I’m seeking behind them. Like a lion hunting prey, all I can think about is getting at him, and tearing him from limb to limb – physically, emotionally – it doesn’t matter as long as I make him bleed.
Out of nowhere my wedding coordinator, Brenda, pops up in front of me startling me and halting my steps. When she gets a look at my face, she flinches and visibly gulps. I’ve got to admire her bravery however, because it doesn’t keep her from asking her question, “Ella, what are you doing? You aren’t due to walk down the aisle for another,” she glances at her watch, “three minutes. You’re early. You can’t go yet.”
I start to tell her there’s been a change in plans, but instead, I nod my head and turn to Katie. She takes me aside and acts like she’s giving me a hug, her lips close to my ear, “What the hell are you doing? We need to go out the side door right there,” she gestures with her head. “We can tell Miss Commando over there that you want some fresh air before you walk down the aisle. Once we’re outside, we can take off. My car is parked right there.”
I can feel myself smile, but it’s all teeth, something predatory, “He’s not getting off that easily.”
She backs up and her wide eyes meet mine, “Ella-”
“It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Just walk down the aisle as planned, okay? I’ll handle the rest.”
She reluctantly nods, but I know she doesn’t want to agree. It’s a testament to our friendship that she trusts me and does it anyway. She knows when to push, and she knows when to back off. “Please tell me you’re going to march down that aisle and kick him in the balls in front of everyone before you turn and walk out.”
Despite my fury and shock, she still manages to make me smile – just a little. “Just be ready with your keys in hand, okay?”
She clutches my hand, “Always. I’m always ready for anything you need.”
“Katie, it’s time,” Brenda says, tapping Katie on the shoulder. Katie looks at me hesitantly and I can tell Brenda wants to ask me what’s wrong, but I force a smile and give Katie a nod, silently telling her to go, that I’m fine.
With a look over her shoulder, she turns and disappears through the