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mind, let’s talk about it.’
    ‘I know you have women friends ,’ I said, still unable to meet his stare. ‘Why don’t you ever bring them back here?’
    ‘This has nothing to do with you,’ he said firmly.
    ‘At first I thought it was because you were ashamed of me,’ I said, ignoring him. ‘I wondered if you were worried that I might start talking about my flashes – my head might start aching, or worse, I might throw a fit. But then I realised why you never brought your lady friends home.’
    ‘I’m not ashamed of you—’
    ‘It’s because of Mum, isn’t it,’ I said, and now I did look at him. ‘It’s been like twelve years since Mum died, I really don’t think she would mind you sharing your bed with someone else.’
    ‘Charley, don’t say something you might regret later,’ he said, and now it was his turn to look away.
    ‘All I’m saying is that Mum wouldn’t have expected you to spend the rest of your life on your own. You’re only forty-five. She would understand.’
    ‘It has nothing to do with you, Charley,’ he said. ‘And nothing to do with your mum.’
    ‘No?’ I said. ‘So why then do you sometimes come home without your wedding ring on? I mean you always wear it, even after all this time. You take it off when you’re with them. It’s like you have to break the connection with Mum. You feel as if you’re cheating on her when you’re with those women. You always smell of soap, like you’ve had to wash them off you – destroy the smell of their perfume. I thought at first it was me that you were trying to hide their smell from. But I was wrong. It’s Mum.’
    ‘You’re wrong,’ he said, a grim look on his face.
    ‘Am I?’ I said, trying to keep my anger and confusion from boiling over. ‘Christ, Dad, I’ve even seen you out on the drive scrubbing down the back seats of the car. What, have you had them in there too?’
    ‘I’m a taxi driver, for crying out loud!’ he said. I’d never heard him sound so upset before. ‘You should see some of the people that I have to ferry around. I have to put up with people puking their guts up, smoking, ramming kebabs down their throats! Of course I keep the car clean and tidy. It’s where I work – it’s my job!’
    I knew I’d said too much, but however much I wanted to take it all back, I couldn’t. Those words were already out there. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said.
    ‘Yeah, so am I,’ he whispered and went to the bedroom door.
    ‘You don’t have to hide stuff from me. I’m not a little girl any more.’
    ‘Then stop acting like one,’ he said, leaving my room and closing the door behind him.
    His last comment made my stomach ache even more than it already did. I was feeling bad about what I had said, and now I felt even worse. It had never been my intention to upset my father. Lying on my side, with my iPhone gripped in my hand, I got one last lingering flash of that girl, Kerry, gripping her phone.
    Closing my eyes, I prayed I wouldn’t see her. Vision or fantasy, I didn’t want to see her being dragged down that narrow dirt track, to see the puddles, to hear Ellie Goulding mixed with the sound of trains thundering past in the distance. I just wanted some peace. I just wanted the dead to leave me alone.

CHAPTER 5
    Tom – Monday: 02:47 Hrs.
    T he rain had started to ease a little, but the walk down the embankment, although not particularly steep, was still treacherous. This time I held onto any branch, shrub or piece of railway furniture that I could find to stop myself falling arse over tit again. One screw-up in front of my new governor was enough for one night. In the distance, I could see a stationary freight train and the torches of police officers.
    The Guv was the first to reach the tracks, and the sound of his feet crunching over ballast echoed back at me. I hated going track-side, to be honest. The place was fraught with danger: slips, trips and every other kind of hazard, and that didn’t include the