Caroline's Daughters Read Online Free Page A

most horrible, wounding phrase), or drawn shades. What was meant—by anything?
    Just as these days Sage tries to decipher the bruises on Noel’s upper arms (he bruises easily, he says, as she does): small round bruises, the size of fingertips. Fingers pressing, in some extreme of passion. Fingers belonging to almost anyone. Or, as Noel says (although she does not exactly ask him), something he bumped into, at a building site.
    All of which has led Sage to rephrase an old question: was it in Roland Gallo’s case the marriage, and in Noel’s the possible involvements with “other women” that she finds so fascinating, so addictive? Roland was quite bald, thick-bodied, middle-aged. An essentially political person, a lawyer, involved in various local money-power structures, mostly big real-estate deals. Not much in common with Sage, intellectually speaking. (A few quite incredible tricks with oral sex, however.) Noel, although undeniably handsome, is not especially “interesting” either, and in sex, she has to admit, he is somewhat passive, a recipient of love.
    Sage never gets very far with any of this, only further into her normal anxiety (she knows she’s a woman who loves too much, and so what?)—and it gets her, geographically speaking, up to the massiveglass doors of Dr. Jim McAndrew’s building, which she has just now reached.
    Their embrace at greeting, Sage and Jim’s, is always faintly indecisive, and there is awkwardness over kissing: cheeks, never mouths are aimed for, but sometimes it all goes wrong and mouths do brush, accidentally. Rather than hugging, they sometimes grip each other’s shoulders.
    And then the ritual comments on each other’s perceived condition:
    â€œYou look—”
    â€œâ€”great! thin!”
    â€œâ€”a little tired?”
    â€œâ€”really rested!”
    Jim in fact looks worse than tired, he looks gray, and exhausted. And too thin, he has suffered the sort of weight loss that withers the skin. However, apparently aware of his effect, he quickly explains, “This great new diet. I know, too fast. I’d never let a patient do this, but I feel really great.”
    â€œYou doctors are such jerks about your own health.”
    Jim laughs, acknowledging accuracy. “Of course we are, we think we can fix anything, including ourselves.” And then, “But how’re you? Still madly in love with that Noel, despite being married to him?” This is an old semi-joke between them: Jim believes that marriages have ruined his love affairs. All two of them; there has only been one wife since Caroline.
    â€œOh, I guess I am. For all the good that does me,” Sage tells him.
    â€œWell, sit down over here by the window. The view may do you some good.”
    And here we are again, Sage reflects, looking out at the same high green park that Caroline’s house also faces, from another angle. And she and Jim are returned to their old roles; he is doctor-omnipotent, super-dad, with a small New England shading of irony. And Sage, with Jim, feels herself young and sad and bewildered, but at the same time she is a sort of wise-ass, with Jim.
    She never tries to explain that sadness to Jim, though. She neversays, Noel worries me a lot, I never know where I am, with him. My work isn’t going very well. I never have any money, and I’m tired.
    But it seems today that Jim really wants to talk to her.
    And he starts right out. “I’ve been in this, uh, situation. This
girl
, Lord, she’s younger than Jill.” (Amazing that anyone could be younger than his youngest daughter, Jim’s tone seems to say. Much less a girl with whom he has a romantic connection, or whatever.) “Well, I guess you could say I loved her, I was crazy about her, I have to admit it. I even thought, A new family. Hey, why not? A lot of guys my age do it, and I’d read these articles, and some of my patients, they go on