Being Me Read Online Free Page B

Nevertheless, I smile at Mum. She’s almost sober and she’s making an effort. ‘Thanks, Mum,’ I say when she serves me. I kiss her. ‘You’re the best.’
    I don’t actually want my mum to go to Parents’ Evening. I binned the School Report they posted last week and faked an email from the school to Mum. It said:
    “We have attached your daughter’s school report. Save trees by not printing this file.”
    In my version of the Report, I am Exceptional in all subjects except Maths (no point in pushing it too far).
    Mum gets through about forty reasons why she’s not going before I say, ‘OK, Mum, I’ve got to do my homework now.’ I leave her babbling something about orchids.
    Later, Dad gets back and I hear him ask Mum why she accused the housekeeper of stealing her vodka and sacked her. The two of them then spin through their full set of other arguments.
    The Complete Mum & Dad Arguments Playlist:
    You Don’t Love Me. (Mum)
    Love Is Not Found In The Bottom Of A Bottle (Dad)
    I’ve Got A Weak Heart (Mum)
    Anything Microwaved Is Not A Meal (Dad)
    Don’t Fuck The Hired Help (Mum)
    You Are Now Being Ridiculous (Dad)
    I Can’t Take This Loneliness (Mum)
    I Work All Hours & It’s Killing Me (Dad)
    [Even If] You Were The Last Man On Earth (Mum)
    Nail Me To A Cross, It’s Quicker. (Dad)
    Dad then accuses Mum of internet dating. She says it’s not dating it’s a friendship site. Dad says why are all the people she has ‘liked’ on the site men, then? Mum says they’re not, it’s just those are the ones he noticed and anyway why can’t she have male friends? Then they start kissing. I go into the kitchen and this breaks them apart but ends (by the weird logic only known to my parents) with Dad saying he will go to Parents’ Evening and what’s more he will take me with him. Disaster.
    They start ballroom dancing together in the kitchen.
    In the car on the way to school next day, Dad says he had not realised all these years that there’s not one brilliant football player in the family, there’s two. And that from now on, he is going to support me totally and he’s ashamed he hadn’t noticed earlier. He then leans over and kisses me on the cheek.
    This is so unlike Dad I don’t know what to say. I actually feel a drop of water escaping from my eye. I brush it away and mumble, ‘Dad, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me in my life. Ever.’
    ‘Nicer than “OK, I’ll buy you the dress”?’
    ‘Way nicer.’
    ‘I know Tony gets a lot of attention. But you’re my daughter, and I love you to bits. Don’t ever forget that.’
    I’m having to dab my eyes again now. We’re stopped at traffic lights. ‘Are you feeling alright, Dad?’ I throw him a look that is somewhere between a smile and an accusation.
    He laughs, gets the car moving again. ‘You’re an enigma, Adele,’ he says.
    ‘You’re not that good-looking yourself,’ I tell him.
    That gets him. He loves it. And I think, why can’t me and Dad have good times like this more often?
    ‘What am I going to hear at Parents Evening?’ he asks, smiling mysteriously.
    I sidestep the question. ‘Mum wants you to dance with her.’
    ‘What?’
    ‘I mean not in the kitchen. Take her out dancing. Like when you first met her. She says you and her went dancing in clubs together.’
    Dad moves off from the traffic lights in the wrong gear. ‘I had some moves back then,’ he says. ‘We were good. It’s strange. You have to run to stay still.’
    ‘Taking Mum dancing.’ I nudge him, because he’s drifted off the subject.
    ‘I would dance with your mum every day if I had the time. One decimal point wrong and you can lose the company millions. I’ve got all the Young Turks coming at me, eyeing my desk.’
    ‘They’re hiring people from Turkey?’
    ‘No, it’s an expression. Young, hungry guys, who want my job. They’d step over my dead body without a blink.’
    Dad continues talking nonsense. I look him over. I