Beautiful Lies Read Online Free Page B

I am the sole cause of his pain.
    “Gosh, I love you so much, Paige,” he whispers. His voice sounds broken. I hear him inhale again. Is he trying to hold back tears? My stomach drops at the thought, so I push it away. I hold in a breath and repeat the words do not cry within the safety of my mind. Then he leaves. I wait until I hear the front door open and close, then his car drive away before opening my eyes.
    What have you done?
    The question spins through my mind at speed and I struggle to silence it. I love Rick so much and seeing him in pain is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to witness.
    I look at the clock sat on the dresser. It reads 6:55am. He has left for work. I sit up. I take my phone off the dresser next to my bed and dial Jen.
    “Hey,” she answers groggily after three rings.
    “It happened again,” I whisper with my eyes closed.
    I hear her weight shift on the phone. “You spoke in your sleep again?” She sounds more alert now.
    “Yes. I was calling out Taylor’s name. Jen, what kind of girlfriend am I?”
    “Hey, don’t you dare blame yourself for this, Paige. Look, it’s not as if he didn’t know about these dreams. He knew and he agreed to get through it together so don’t you ask questions like that.”
    “You didn’t see his face. He looked broken. I’m not sure that he can take much more of this.”
    “He loves you, Paige...”
    “That might not be enough. What if it was you? What if the person you loved was in love with someone else; someone that didn’t even exist. Could you stay? I sound crazy even saying it.”
    “You’re not crazy and he has stayed. Relationships have hurdles but it doesn’t mean they won’t survive them. You’ve made it through three years; you have something to fight for.”
    “Yeah, and one of those years I’ve spent every single day dreaming about and falling in love with someone else.”
    “Not on purpose.”
    “I just don’t know what to do anymore. I think he’s going to leave.”
    “No, he’s not. Look, I know that you said no before but what about talking to Clarise?”
    “You want me to sit in a room and talk about my problems to a total stranger?” I ask in frustration. The idea of seeing a therapist doesn’t sit well with me. My problem is embarrassing enough without having to sit and tell a complete stranger all about it.
    “If it helps, yes. She really helped me, you know with...” she pauses, it’s hard for her to speak about it. I understand. “With everything.”
    “I know,” I say sympathetically.
    “Will you at least think about it? I can text you her details.”
    “Ok. Thanks, Jen.”
    “What else are best friends for?” She chuckles. “Call me if you need anything, ok?”
    “Ok. Bye, Jen.”
    “Bye, Paige.”
    I’m not sure if talking to anybody is going to help but it can’t be any worse than where I am at right now. I glance at the clock and decide that it’s time to get ready for work, not that I want to go in today but life goes on, I guess. I take a deep breath and go and get ready for the longest day of my life.
     
    * * *
     
    Two hours, three coffees and a bagel later, I’m ready to walk out the door. I pull my keys out my purse and head to the front door. It’s slightly cold out so I move a little faster to my car. As soon as I sit inside, I turn up the heat. I take a deep breath before starting up the car. Today is going to be awkward but there is nothing that I can do.
    Five minutes into my journey and I’m stuck in the morning traffic. I connect my phone to the Bluetooth and call my sister.
    “Hey,” she sounds solemn.
    “Liv? What’s the matter?”
    “I just heard that Lilly died.”
    “What? Lilly, as in your best friend from high school?”
    “Yeah.”
    “I’m so sorry. Do you need anything?”
    “No.”
    “Have they planned the funeral yet?” I ask gently.
    “Yeah, it’s next Friday.”
    I hear her inhale a deep breath as though she is trying to hold back her