Avoiding Mr Right Read Online Free Page A

cigarette when
the atmosphere was already tense. He started pacing. 'So,
am I supposed to be celibate or faithful then? Because right
now I haven't got a clue what you want from me.'
    'To be honest, James, this isn't about you right now. I'm
only in control of what I do. I don't know that I can ask a
man as gorgeous as you and as sexy as you to go without sex
for months on end. I mean, you'll be getting offers, there's no
doubt about it. I'll just have to live with the consequences.'
    'So you don't care whether I have sex with someone else
or not?' He went red, covering his face with his hands to
avoid the shame and the emotion of it all, hurt and angry at
the same time. 'You're totally confusing me about us . What's
really going on here? If you don't love me any more then
just say it, but this argument or discussion or break-up or
whatever it is that's going on here is doing my head in.' And
James broke down. It was the first time I'd seen him cry and
it pained my heart. 'I thought we were a happy couple,' he
sobbed into his hands.
    I put my arms around him but said nothing. I had never
been the 'happy couple' kind of girl. I wished I could be,
just to fit in, but I'd never even really believed in the concept
of eternal love. I didn't really know anyone who was truly happy. You never know what goes on in someone else's
home. All you see is the front they give you, even your
friends. Still, with James I'd found something pretty close.
I didn't get dry-mouthed and sweaty-palmed and my heart
rarely raced when I saw him any more, like it had at first,
but that didn't matter. He was kind and generous, mature
and sensible and patient – even romantic.
    I gripped him tighter. 'I do love you, James, more than
anything in the world.' We stood still and silent for a few
minutes, just listening to the dull sounds of the ocean, and
then he pulled away.
    'I have something to show you.' He walked into the flat
and started rummaging through his work materials. 'I've
knocked up some designs on a house for us,' he said proudly,
unrolling the sheets and holding them under the light.
    I stepped back into the room feeling defeated and
exasperated. 'Will this house be in Sydney?' I asked.
    'Well, yes. I don't think I could live anywhere else. Look,
it's a four-bedroom, lots of space for when we're ready to
have a family.'
    James was so eager he was already too many houses and
kids in front of me, but to say that now would make me
sound ungrateful. Any other single woman in her right
mind would jump at the architect and the house plans. I
was a nutcase for sure.
    I tried to keep it jokey. 'James, haven't you heard anything I've said? In case you hadn't noticed I'm not like most other
women who want to settle down and have kids and all that.
I'm Peta. I'm not even sure I'll have kids at all.'
    'I know you're not like other woman, that's why I love
you so much.' It was like he was there and watching my
mouth move but not hearing the words coming out. 'I want
to marry you. The only reason I haven't proposed is because
I'm frightened you'll say no. At least there's hope if you
haven't already said no.'
    'Look, I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment
yet.'
    Even if I wanted kids and was ready, how could I know
if James was the one? How could you tell when you'd met
your soul mate? When the Melbourne job came up, it had
seemed like an omen. I'd read The Celestine Prophecy and
knew there was no such thing as coincidence. It would be a
huge step forward in my career, of course, but it would also
give me time out to think, to grow as an individual and to
be sure James was the right guy for me.
    'So, seems the plans didn't work.' James rolled them up.
This time he was the one sounding defeated. 'I thought
maybe if I showed you how serious I was you'd change
your mind.'
    He had to know that it wasn't him, that it was me, that
I was the one who was frightened. I had to tell him, there
was no