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maudlin. Wavonna touched my hand, my wedding ring. To comfort me, I think. The second time was right before Valerie got paroled, and I hired a lawyer to help her get custody of Wavonna and the baby she’d had while she was in prison.
    We drove down to Tulsa for Leslie’s birthday and had a fine old time: singing, wearing silly hats, and cheering as Leslie ripped open packages. After all the big hoopla, the three girls settled into the living room to play, while Brenda and I cleaned up.
    I couldn’t keep putting it off, so I sat down at the kitchen table and said, “I’ve been talking to Valerie’s lawyer about this transitional program she can get into.”
    â€œI didn’t know she still had a lawyer. Are you paying for that?”
    I didn’t answer. I wanted it not to be her business, but maybe it was.
    â€œFine. So, Val’s lawyer thinks she can get into some program?” Brenda cut a second slice of birthday cake. Her weight dogged her for years, because she ate when she was upset.
    â€œIt’s for women with children, to help her get back on her feet so she can take care of Donal and Wavonna.” I knew that would cause a ruckus and it did.
    â€œAre you serious, Mom? Do you really think Val can take care of them? You know what Vonnie’s like. That’s Val’s parenting skills right there. A daughter who won’t speak, won’t eat, and sneaks out at night.”
    â€œShe’s doing better.”
    â€œI know. You’re doing so good with her. I—” Brenda laid her hand on my arm, and I could see she really was sorry she’d lost her temper.
    â€œI want Wavonna to be with her mother.” I wanted to want that. I wanted things to be simple and they never were.
    â€œDo you really think that’s the best thing for her?”
    â€œVal’s been getting treatment. This program will put her in an apartment, where she’ll have a counselor. They’ll make sure she takes her medicine, and help her take care of the kids.”
    â€œWell, what do you need to do? Is there paperwork?”
    â€œI need you to go to her parole hearing and the custody hearing. You’re going to have to do it, Brenda.”
    â€œWhy?”
    â€œMetastasized.” Wavonna had crept up so quietly neither of us noticed her until she spoke.
    â€œWhat does she mean?” Brenda said. “Mom?”
    â€œShe must have overheard me talking with the doctor’s office. The cancer is back. It’s in my lungs and my liver. Three months they think, maybe less.”
    Now that we were talking about hard things, Leslie and Amy stopped playing Barbies and came to stand in the doorway next to Wavonna. I tried to will Brenda to be strong, but she started shaking and crying. Amy and Leslie cried, too. They were all crying, except Wavonna. She crossed the kitchen and reached out to me. For a second, she laid her hand on my chest, touched those fake foam boobs I wore in my bra.
    I loved her then, right as I was getting ready to leave her.

 
    3
    WAVY
    June 1977
    Aunt Brenda didn’t want me to stay with Grandma at the end.
    â€œLet Bill take her back to Tulsa. My friend Sheila is staying at the house to take care of the girls while I’m here,” Aunt Brenda said.
    â€œShe’s going with you soon enough. Let her stay with me,” Grandma said. She held out her hand and I went to her, even though I wasn’t brave enough to touch her with Aunt Brenda there to see.
    â€œI love you, sweetie. I love you. Pretty soon I’m going to go and be with your Grandpa Irv, but God willing, you’ll see me again, Wavonna. Not for a long time, but some day,” she said.
    For a while, Grandma slept, and Aunt Brenda went into the kitchen to make coffee, but she sat at the table and laid her head down on her arms to cry. When the big clock should have chimed three o’clock, it didn’t, because no one remembered to wind it. Aunt